Leadership Lessons being a TLI Chair in Toastmasters

“A leader takes people where they want to go. A great leader takes people where they don't necessarily want to go, but ought to be”

I have undertaken few club leadership roles such as the Club treasurer, VP-Education, President, and as an Area Director, at each level, I had different leadership lessons, which has helped me evolve as a leader. Last year July, I was entrusted with the responsibility of being the TLI (Toastmasters Leadership Institute) Chair. The Toastmasters Leadership Institute helps Toastmasters across the district to come together to network, share ideas, and be inspired. We share the best practices and experiences of senior Toastmasters with newly-elected club officers on how to best serve their clubs and grow as a leader. A lot of work had been done by the predecessors in setting up the TLI and reaching out to many members through the events. So, the bar was set for us to reach out to and raise it further.

As I look back now, at the whole term, there have been many memorable moments to cherish, and significant milestones which we were able to accomplish, maybe I will reserve it for sharing on another day. Let me delve in to my leadership lessons in the last one year.

    1. Leadership Success Triad – Vision, Autonomy, Flexibility

I came to appreciate this concept of leadership triad as being fundamental for leadership success in my role as TLI Chair. There are three aspects which one needs to have in place for smooth functioning and making a strong impact.

First and foremost, the question to be asked is “What is my vision as a leader for my team/company/employees? It is said:

“Leadership is about Vision and Responsibility, not Power”

Having a vision makes it easier to focus on when the going gets tough or it gets too much to handle. What is that we are trying to accomplish and what impact are we wanting to make, these questions will help us work towards achieving the vision without giving up.

The second dimension is the leader’s ability to give autonomy to your team and trust them to do the work. Most often, some leaders tend to micro-manage and end up taking all decisions for their team since they are the leader. They expect to rule their team with iron-fist and control them, expect them to abide by their decisions (or, orders!!). But that is a huge failing as a leader since it never gives the opportunity to the team members to showcase their talent. There is a fine balance to be maintained here, you have to give autonomy yet put in a process to check in frequently so to ensure good quality output.

The third success dimension is the flexibility to accept others idea/views. Sometimes, because of our past success, we may be tempted to believe that we know it all or ‘my way or the highway attitude’. Yet, as a leader, it is critical to keep this attitude at bay, because many failings happen because of the inability of the leader to adapt his views and accept others view.

In my TLI role, I had the opportunity to see all the triad elements in action (fortunately in a positive way).

The District Trio [TM Sarma Mahalingam (District Director), TM Pravin Mani (PQD), TM Satish Menon (CGD)] had the common vision of enabling members experience and we had the same focus for all the TLI events to give the best member experience, this ensured all our activities was aligned towards achieving the common vision.

As TLI comes under PQD (Program Quality Director), I had a trustworthy and passionate Toastmaster Pravin Mani who placed the trust on me and let me handle the TLI events as I deemed fit. He didn’t micro-manage or thrust his control on me except asking for updates and suggesting changes when required.

In terms of flexibility, many times during event planning, be it the event program agenda, role players finalization, we had differing opinions on the approach. Yet, at no point, we allowed our personal ego’s to come in, and we always were open to each other views and kept our common vision to dictate the final outcomes. I realized that being open to his views and event team views on some matters proved to right, since it was better than my view.

   2. TEAM in action: 

    Together Everyone Achieves More, and rightly so. Though, it’s become a cliché still it’s a satisfying experience to see it in action. The reality is, one can't truly succeed without having a good set of colleagues, who are equally passionate to work towards the common vision. We had a TLI Training calendar finalized at the beginning of the term (July-June) and budget allocated as per our plan. It was a good experience in project management and planning, since each TLI event was like a project/mini-conference by itself. And doing one event every month in the first term was equivalent to a full time job, if not for the support I had from my TLI team.

Each of my TLI event chairs and TLI SPOCs played a critical role in the success of each event. A big thanks to the following members:

TM Bhagath (Chennai Kilpauk YMCA TMC), TM Vinoth (HCL Pinnacle TMC)

TM Raja (L&T ECC TMC), TM Vijay (WABAG TMC),

TM Arun Kumar (Chennai Speakers Forum), TM Swathi Devi (DXC Chennai Chapter TMC)

TM Muthukumar (Infosys TMC, Chennai), TM Kavitha (CGI Chennai TMC),

TM Bharath (CGI Chennai TMC), TM Manisha (Wipro Chennai TMC),

TM Subramanian (BACI Chennai Silver Tongue TMC), TM Amartya (Terra VIT), TM Ranjith (Citi Odyssey TMC), 

DTM Malar (Virudhunagar TMC), TM Sasi Varier (L1 AD - Trichy TMC), TM Surya (TOASTMASTERS INTERNATIONAL-NIT TRICHY),TM Shantanu (K6 AD – Brisa VIT), TM Akhil (K5 AD – Nuvens VIT) and TM Gayathry (DCP Chair).  

Many role players had supported the event team for the success, Iam unable to put them here since I didn’t want it to become a vote of thanks article, yet their contribution and support for critical for the success of the various TLI events across Tamil Nadu.  

3.    Innovate to Succeed:

It is important for any entity to continuously explore the aspect of innovation as a means for continuous excellence. When we started the year, we consciously made the decision to innovate in few aspects to enable the member experience. So, we started with online zoom training (first of its kind then) yet it has come commonplace now in quarantine time. The online zoom was especially conducted for Division L members for ‘Train the Trainers” session. We followed it up with doing a live demo meeting for the “Conducting Effective meeting” TLI event. It got 190+ attendees and was immensely enjoyed by all the attendees. Next, we wanted to make the ‘New member Orientation’ session memorable for the new members who join Toastmasters. So, we launched the ‘Inter-Area Fun’ Contest where each area was grouped into teams and they played fun games and quiz based on Toastmasters, to compete and win prizes. Though attendance was less, it was enjoyed by everyone who attended it and the event pics say it all.

Usually, JTP and Emergence is considered a standard format, so to make it different and engaging for audience, we introduced ‘Judges discussion Panel’, where experienced judges panel discussed on their experiences as a judge and what to do and what not to do as a judge. Again, this was received well by members, who could relate to practical application of judging instead of a boring presentation to run by. Finally, ‘Emergence’ event where contest winners share their technique to prepare for contest, we innovated by clubbing a leadership session by TM Sridhar Renganathan. We had mixed feelings about it since we weren’t sure how the reception will be, because it was an afternoon session, whether people would be patient enough. However, it ended up as one of the best received TLI event with over 240+ registrations and many stayed back till 7:30pm to network and discuss.

So, be it business or your daily work, explore ways to innovate, and it will be a sure shot way to make your mark as a leader.

     4. Acknowledging others Support:

As the TLI team for this year, we were successful in making our presence felt, create memorable members experience and learning, which was acknowledged by many. It is easy to get into a mindset thinking that this success was only because of our efforts. While, we did put humongous efforts for all TLI events, a significant part of the event success was because of the support provided by others, especially TM seniors, talented individuals who agreed to be the faculty for the sessions and were generous with their time. One can't succeed on their own and often you need to take others along, for which you need to be humble and be open to reach out to others for help.

In our own lives and enterprises, if you have been successful, it might be a good idea to think and reflect about who all have contributed towards your success. It might be your family members, parents, friends, office seniors and others mentors, whoever it may be so, reach out to them and convey your thanks to them for their support. Sometimes, we tend to take certain support for granted, yet however small their contribution has been, they did have a role to play in your success.

I take the opportunity in this article to acknowledge all the speakers for the TLI events this year (mentioned in the chronological order of the TLI events):

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DTM Karthick Mohandoss (CAT-EDCI Club), DTM Sampath Sowrirajan (TN Mentor Chair)

TM Deenadayalan (HCL Speech Weavers), TM Gayathry (DCP Chair), DTM Sunil Jose (Asst Chief Judge), DTM Lalitha Giridhar (Chennai Toastmasters Club),

DTM Saro Velrajan(Chennai Speakers Forum), DTM Jayan (Meraki), DTM Vijayalakshmi (Meraki), DTM Sundararaman (Meraki), DTM Rahul Shankar (Tamizhootru Chennai Solvendhargal Mandram), TM Aravind Vikram (Ericsson TMC), DTM Pattabi (Madras TMC), TM Srijana (Ford Mustang TMC), TM Aadil (Chennai TMC), DTM Reena (Chennai Wordsmiths TMC), DTM Sampath Sowrirajan (TN Mentor Chair)

DTM Reena (Chennai Wordsmiths TMC),TM Subramanian (BACI Chennai Silver Tongue TMC), DTM Ravanan (Madurai TMC),DTM Sampath Sowrirajan (TN Mentor Chair)

DTM Sampath Sowrirajan (TN Mentor Chair), TM Raghavan Sridhar (AD-D2), DTM Sunil Jose (Asst Chief Judge), TM Pravin Mani (PQD), TM Adithya (Agua VIT)

DTM Subhadip Banik (Infosys TMC, Chennai), TM Selvarajan (Chennai Communicators Club), TM Sridhar Ranganathan (Chennai Wordsmiths TMC)

DTM Sunil Jose (Asst Chief Judge), DTM Jayan (Meraki), DTM Vijayalakshmi (Meraki), DTM Sundararaman (Meraki), DTM Parthasarathy (DXC Chennai Chapter TMC)

TM Shantanu (AD-K5), TM Nirav Katyal (Fogo VIT)

TM Hemamalini (L&T ECC TMC), TM Selvarajan (Chennai Communicators Club)

TM Mohanakrishnan (Symantec TMC), DTM Ravanan (Madurai TMC), TM Priyanka (Genesys TMC)

DTM Lalitha Giridhar (Chennai Toastmasters Club), DTM Rajeev Nambiar (Chennai Wordsmiths TMC)

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Hope my above insights are useful to you in your own leadership journey. I sign off quoting the words of John Donahoe who said, 

'Leadership is a journey, not a destination. It is a marathon, not a sprint. 

It is a process, not an outcome.'

For those unaware of Toastmasters International, it is a nonprofit organization that operates clubs worldwide for the purpose of promoting communication, public speaking and leadership. I have been fortunate to be part of this wonderful community since 2012 and over the various years, have had experienced mentors and leaders from whom I have learnt and applied a lot in my Toastmasters journey. If you are keen to develop your communication or leadership skills, you can search for any Toastmaster clubs nearby your location, and attend one of its meeting as a guest.

Success is always around us

‘Success’ is a mystical thing. All of us want to be successful. Yet most of us want a free ride to success. Even though the intent is there within us to succeed, most of all aren’t willing to do what’s needed to become successful.

My weekend started off with a working Saturday by the end, I was quite tired & exhausted. In such cases, Sunday becomes a treasured day. But as I woke up in the morning, I was feeling quite lazy and completely purposeless. Though, I had few things which needed my attention, I wasn’t at all inspired to do anything on that. My mind was occupied with something which was wondering about something which left me powerless. All I did was switch on the TV, had food, lie on bed & pass time. The day passed like seconds. 

In the evening, when I was conversing with a friend, I realized that how much we take life for granted. There are so many things which inspire us, motivate us to do something, yet we end up choosing to pass time, wondering about things we don’t have & get stuck on issues, be it with people, our worries, problems etc. In the process, we exhaust the most precious resource which is NOW, instead of being at our best and when we are at our best, success becomes an outcome.

That’s when I thought I was stuck in the same trap. Few things which I had been planning to do, like writing a blog, reading a book, planning few things all were put on hold, just because I was waiting for something to happen and since that didn’t materialize, other things got inadvertently impacted. But the moment I realized that, I chose to work on. I did some exercise which usually makes me feel good in the end, switched on my fav music which usually inspires me & then got down to work on the things which mattered and which I wanted to accomplish. Here, Iam penning an article for my blog which I had been planning on for more than 3 weeks.

It is said that amidst the busyness of life, the simple things get side tracked. Most often the simple things are the most important as well. In the daily rush of our life, we make the simple things complicated. What’s needed to simplify our life is just to take a step back and look at what we have. Usually, the stuff which are required for us to be happy & be successful is just around  us. Be it caring parents, friends, resources to utilize, all is just with us. We just need to recognize and then choose to act on that.

I didn’t intend to pen a gyaan type post, yet for me it was a big realization on how daily moments just slip pass by while we keep waiting for things to happen, hoping for things to happen & wonder if things will happen. I took a step in doing something productive & break myself out from the quicksand of ‘waiting & wondering’ which goes on & on.

What we have with us for sure is NOW, and if we can choose to look at the things which we have with us & act, then in due time, things will surely happen.

Success is always around us, isn’t? 

Speech craft – A Journey of Discovery

One of the speech craft participant commented in the final session “Speech craft is a place where one learns not how to become a speaker but how to become a crafter”. And truly so at the end of 6 week Speech craft session at L&T Construction, HCI (Heavy Civil Infrastructure) IC, the participants had become Amazing Crafters; Crafters of words into mesmerizing speeches, Crafters of ideas to powerful thoughts & Crafters of personality. The whole journey proved to be of immense learning & discovery both for the participants as well as for me.

I would like to share 3 insightful learning which I had for myself during the course of coordinating the speech craft sessions. Hopefully, you find it useful as well.

1.       Camaraderie by Senior Toastmaster members: One of the unique selling proposition of Speech craft was the educational talk in each of the 6 week sessions. Whoever I had approached right away agreed instantly to come over as the educational speaker in spite of the fact that all of them had a busy schedule & had other commitments. My sincere thanks to TM Sridhar Ranganathan, DTM Lalitha Giridhar, DTM Nina John, DTM Saro Velrajan & TM Rajesh Natarajan, whose sessions were quite valuable for the participants.

2.       Assumptions Challenged: The Speech craft program was done for senior managers & Deputy General Managers and hence when we begin, I had a lot of assumptions. That

•     they may be have a mindset of know it all types,
•     they may not be able to commit the time required for the session amidst their busy schedule,  
•     they will not be regular in attending all the meetings,
•     they will be least interested in knowing about Toastmasters

Almost all of my assumptions proved to be wrong. All the speech crafters were excited about the opportunity to become more competent speakers and took each session seriously by putting immense efforts to give the speeches in every session. In fact, other than 3 members who dropped out since they got shifted to other location after the first session, the remaining 12 members gave a speech in all the sessions. Plus, 2 members became members of our Toastmaster club in the midway of the program. It made me realize that most of the assumptions which we carry about people may not be always true.

3.       Expressive Communication - Competitive Advantage: Even though the speech crafters were senior managers and had large teams under them, they exhibited extreme enthusiasm & commitment in taking part in the speech craft and for the right reasons. And as one speech crafter said “Speaking is important so that the talented gets to express his work to top management. “Most often, a talented person remains unnoticed due to lack of communication skills. If one needs to be successful, one should know not only how to speak but how to communicate the right message in a right way.  Hence, as long as you can communicate well, you have a strong competitive advantage over others. And Toastmaster helps you gain that advantage.

Especially for a corporate, the outcome of the speech craft is directly proportional to the support extended by the top management of the company. Iam thankful to Mr.Srinivas Remella (Technical Training Head) & Mr.Anil Kalaga (Training Head) who were enthusiastic about the Speech craft program right from the start and extended complete support to ensure the participants are benefitted from the program. I also thank Division D Governor Deepa for her continuous support & personal interest in ensuring the program success. My heartfelt thanks to my Toastmaster friends who supported in the successful execution of the program.

I enjoyed & learnt from the session as much as the speech craft participants. The transformation which we saw in each of the participants in the final session was amazing. Overall, the 6 week journey has been truly fulfilling & of immense learning.I strongly recommend anyone who wants to start a self development regime to start attending Toastmasters, there are plentiful of opportunities to develop yourself on multiple dimensions.

As the quote goes “Once you have traveled, the voyage never ends…” The travel will continue, so would be the voyage of learning & discovery.

What are your Assumptions

Recently during a discussion with my manager, the topic of discussion turned to my involvement in a work which was handled by another team in HR. I reasoned saying i felt that the work was confidential hence i didnt involve myself in it. He said "you seem to be bounded by so many assumptions".

Thinking over it i realized that so many times in our life, we have so many of the assumptions which put a veil over how we see our life. Just to name a few couple of assumptions which come to the top of my mind are:

• Autoricksaw drivers always charge high fare
• Politicians are corrupt
• People who drink/smoke are bad
• Money is the root of all evil, etc etc etc. 

During last weekend while traveling outside, I wanted to take autoricksaw to go to my destination.Usually, I dont ask any autoricksaw fellows who would be waiting at the bus stop since I have always assumed that they will quote a high fare. However this time, I felt why not ask and see what he says. So, when i enquired not only he quoted a nominal fare, I was able to negotiate with him to put the fare and charge an extra 10 bucks. The point is, my assumption about autoricksaw guy been unfair & charging exhorbitant fare was proved wrong. All i did was question my assumption.

i dont mean to say our assumptions may be wrong. In some cases, it may be right, but blindly following some assumption because thats what our parents had told us or that was what we had experienced several years back, might lead us to ignore the reality and keep ourself confined.

As a good colleague of mine used to say "When you assume, you make an ASS of U & ME".

So friends,

What assumptions do you have in your life?  To what extent they dictate your life.

Can you try challenging them and see how true or relevant they are?  

  

Balance is the Key

In younger days during biology classes, the teacher used to ask the question “Which is the best diet?” Usually, 2 factions gets formed. One faction strongly in favor of ‘Vegetarian’ diet & the other one vociferously supporting ‘Non-Vegetarian’ diet. A couple of students would side with ‘Eggetarian’ diet and try to stay in the middle. This would go on for some time, with each faction saying their choice ‘pro & con’ & then after few verbal abuses & high raised voices, finally, the teacher would intervene with the answer. The best diet is ‘Balanced Diet’, a diet which consists of all the required nutrients in the correct quantity as needed by the body. Of course, we were left baffled with the answer and would try to justify how ‘Vegetarian/Non Vegetarian food’ is more balanced than the other.

Before you start wondering if Iam going to give gyaan about Balanced diet & how do we integrate it in our life to become leaner, a BIG disclaimer. I have no idea about balanced diet and know as much as that diet has four letters in it. Apart from it, all I know is what I have heard from hear say. Hence, I would restrict myself to the former part of the ‘Balanced Diet’. The Balance. How “Balance” plays a key role in our lives and how once we understand its relevance, we can live a more balanced life.  (not a happy life, but a balanced life)

 

I strongly believe that ‘Being Balanced’ is one of the key natural laws in life. Being very good is not good. Being very bad is also not good. One should always know both the good & bad and that allows the person to know both sides of a coin & accordingly make a decision. I have seen from close quarters on how extremity of a good thing back fires.

Take the case of parents who bring up their child. Sometimes in the name of loving their child, some parents don’t put any limit on them, pamper them with everything they ask for, in most cases, the child would turn out to be a brat & disorderly child. And if the parents are too strict & dictate each and every step of the child, he/she will be completely dependent upon them for all the work & would lack in self-confidence. What’s best for the child is to have a parent who gives them the freedom to express themselves while at the same time, being observant of certain values & rules which are sacrosanct to the family. The child in this case, would grow up to be a matured, independent individual with the confidence to face the world. What’s required a balanced love.

I recall a quote which I had read in my school days. It said something about ‘Life being a roller coaster ride’, what’s there today won’t be there tomorrow, what’s there tomorrow won’t be there, day after tomorrow. It took me sometime to realize the reality of it. No matter how happy you are today, the feeling is going to go off after a while. Similarly, troubles or worry, no matter how big they are, would pass off after a while. Be it happiness, sorrow, grief, obstacle, challenges, hurt, if we realize that holding onto one thing completely isn’t a wise thing.

As someone said ‘Dark is equally important to relish the Light in life’. Hence, sorrow is equally important to enjoy the happy moments of our life, obstacles are equally important as our achievements in life. Once we keep this in our mind, no matter what life throws at us, we are well set to take it in the right stride.

Let’s hold on to the ‘Balance’ in all aspects of life, and our life will be balanced.

Secret to become Rich

Iam back! 

After a long hiatus, thanks to the prodding of two of my friends, I finally got back to write an article. To think of why i stopped writing, there were a couple of reasons. One, I felt I had to write a truly perfect, and unique article, which will be well received. Secondly, I thought that instead of writing blog, I will use that time to focus my efforts in writing my book. Surprisingly, I couldnt utilize my time for book writing as well. To cut a long story short, I eventually ended up becoming lazy and my procrastination friend ensured that I continued to procrastinate my idea of writing a blog. That was until now, when I decided to kick out the procrastinator guy out and write an article now! 

I really havent a clue of what to write now. Iam just wondering which apt topic to write upon. If you are expecting something profound to come up, do not go any further! Seriously, do not go any further. One thing which comes to my repeatedly since the last couple of months is the desire to become rich. To have a big bungalow, have all the luxuries of life and being rich enough to travel across the world! As i sat wondering how will i go and make my desire come true, I came across an video in the net, which was about the topic of becoming rich! With my curiosity bursting out, I watched the video earnestly. At the end, I was dumb founded about what i got to see. 

The video had a very profound message to share. It tell a story of a boy who dislikes his father, and sees him as a nobody, a poor, unsuccessful and not a smart person! They struggle to meet their daily needs. His father inculcates a habit of making him put a part of his pocket money into a box. The boy asks his father "Why arent we rich". The boy's father responds "Being rich is not about how much you have, but about how much you give"

The boy doesnt understand it then, but resolves not to be poor as his father. He puts his best effort and in due time, gets scholarship and ends up getting a good job! He becomes busy with his work, neglects his father by not visiting him during the vacation. In few months, his father passes away. The boy visits the home then and gets to see a different side of his father (Dont worry, his father is not a CIA/FBI agent, as we most often see in movies). I have shared the video link below for you to watch. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ieg9MkNR3X8

I will leave it to you to watch the remaining part of the story. IT IS WORTH THE TIME TO WATCH! 

As I watched the video, I had a couple of realizations. Most often we are so busy with our own concerns and problems in our life, that we wonder why arent we happy or why arent we getting rich. We are fully immersed in multitudes of problems in our life. But the secret of being rich, is not about having a big balance account in the bank, or owning a huge villa. Coz, at the end of the day, you would still want to have more, earn more. 

The moment one starts thinking about someone's else happiness, doing something however small to bring a smile to other person life, there is a completely new world waiting to be discovered. Just try doing any of the following today! 

• Make someone feel better about themselves (Because you will feel better about yourself at the end)
• Making someone belief in their dreams (Coz your belief in your dreams will become much stronger)
• Making someone's hope come alive (Coz your light of hope will never fade)
• Bring a smile to someone or (Coz you will remain smiling always)
• Appreciate someone for their goodness. (Coz your good deed will be appreciated for eternity) 

Call it law of karma, law of universe or the SECRET working in your favor. Irrespective of what you believe in, when you truly take a step forward to help someone else by overlooking your own problems or concerns, that's when LIFE gives you much more than what you can imagine! 

Imagine a world where people respect you genuinely, love you and truly care for your well being! Imagine a place where your one simple action impacts someone's life so much that you are remembered forever. Imagine leaving a legacy behind where you are good deeds continue to touch and make others live their life for better. That is in the truest sense, being RICH. 

All you need to do is one simple stuff. Dont bother about how much you have, just give. Because at the end of the day, being rich is not about how much you have, but about how much you give. 

P.S: Thank you Preeti and Vardhinee for reminding me often to re-start my blog writing. Your insistence helped in me overcoming my laxness. 

As a extra note to the article, something interesting happened, which Iam sharing here. When i finished writing the article for the first time. I had fully written the article and had pasted it to the blog post, when suddenly my laptop got switched off. (it keeps switching off, arbitrarily). I restarted the system only to find my entire article disappear! I had written in a unsaved notepad, so it wasnt there and neither was it saved in the 
blog post draft. I had with great difficulty overcome my lazyness to write an article, and when I finished writing it, I found to my dismay that it had fully vanished. A part of me said 'it already late, go to sleep, you can write the article later, but another part of me said "if i dont write the article now, possibly, I may become lazy & not write the article for a long time. So, i sat back and again wrote the article for 30 minutes and published it again. 

The reason why Iam sharing this here, is to just remind my lovely readers that whenever you decide to change for the better, YOU WILL BE met with unforeseen challenges or troubles and you will be tempted to give up! My only request to you is not to GIVE UP! Just continue trodding an extra few steps, you will reach your destination. May the force be with you :) 

Paths Are Made By Walking - A Touching Read

A saying goes 'The best of things are always found in the simplest things'. It's surprising that as we grow, we tend to forget about the simple things which really gives us happiness. Some of my favorite speeches include that of Steve Jobs speech, the Last Lecture which has touched many people just by the simplicity of their message.Recently, i had read a graduation speech by Nipun Mehta, and was touched by the simple message it share. I have shared the entire transcript of the speech below for your benefit. Iam sure you would be touched too. Happy reading!

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[Offbeat Graduation Speech Gets Standing Ovation: 2012's Baccalaureate speaker at the University of Pennsylvania was an unconventional choice for an Ivy League school. To address their newly-minted graduates, aspiring to dazzling careers, they picked a man who has never in his adult life, applied for a job. A man who hasn't worked for pay in nearly a decade, and whose self-stated mission is simply "to bring smiles to the world and stillness to my heart". This off-the-radar speaker launched his address with a startling piece of advice. Following up with four key insights gleaned from a radical 1000 km walking pilgrimage through the villages of India. As he closed his one-of-a-kind Graduation Day speech, the sea of cap and gowned students rose to their feet for a standing ovation. What follows is the full transcript of the talk by Nipun Mehta. --DailyGood Editors]

 

Thank you to my distinguished friends, President Amy Gutmann, Provost Vincent Price and Rev. Charles Howard for inviting me to share a few reflections on this joyous occasion.  It is an honor and privilege to congratulate you -- UPenn’s class of 2012. 

 

Right now each one of you is sitting on the runway of life primed for takeoff. You are some of the world's most gifted, elite, and driven college graduates – and you are undeniably ready to fly.  So what I’m about to say next may sound a bit crazy.  I want to urge you, not to fly, but to – walk.  Four years ago, you walked into this marvelous laboratory of higher learning. Today, heads held high, you walk to receive your diplomas.  Tomorrow, you will walk into a world of infinite possibilities. 

 

But walking, in our high-speed world, has unfortunately fallen out of favor.  The word “pedestrian” itself is used to describe something ordinary and commonplace.  Yet, walking with intention has deep roots.  Australia's aboriginal youth go on walkabouts as a rite of passage; Native American tribes conduct vision quests in the wilderness; in Europe, for centuries, people have walked the Camino de Santiago, which spans the breadth of Spain.  Such pilgrims place one foot firmly in front of the other, to fall in step with the rhythms of the universe and the cadence of their own hearts. 

 

Back in 2005, six months into our marriage, my wife and I decided to “step it up” ourselves and go on a walking pilgrimage.  At the peak of our efforts with ServiceSpace, we wondered if we had the capacity to put aside our worldly success and seek higher truths.  Have you ever  thought of something and then just known that it had to happen? It was one of those things.  So we sold all our major belongings, and bought a one-way ticket to India.  Our plan was to head to Mahatma Gandhi’s ashram, since he had always been an inspiration to us, and then walk South.  Between the two of us, we budgeted a dollar a day, mostly for incidentals -- which meant that for our survival we had to depend utterly on the kindness of strangers.  We ate whatever food was offered and slept wherever place was offered.  

 

Now, I do have to say, such ideas come with a warning: do not try this at home, because your partner might not exactly welcome this kind of honeymoon. :-)

 

For us, this walk was a pilgrimage -- and our goal was simply to be in a space larger than our egos, and to allow that compassion to guide us in unscripted acts of service along the way.  Stripped entirely of our comfort zone and accustomed identities, could we still “keep it real”?  That was our challenge.

 

We ended up walking 1000 kilometers over three months. In that period, we encountered the very best and the very worst of human nature -- not just in others, but also within ourselves.

 

Soon after we ended the pilgrimage, my uncle casually popped the million dollar question at the dinner table: "So, Nipun, what did you learn from this walk?"  I didn't know where to begin.  But quite spontaneously, an acronym -- W-A-L-K -- came to mind, which encompassed the key lessons we had learned, and continue to relearn, even to this day.  As you start the next phase of your journey, I want to share those nuggets with the hope that it might illuminate your path in some small way too.

 

The W in WALK stands for Witness.  When you walk, you quite literally see more.  Your field of vision is nearly 180 degrees, compared to 40 degrees when you’re traveling at 62 mph.  Higher speeds smudge our peripheral vision, whereas walking actually broadens your canvas and dramatically shifts the objects of your attention.  For instance, on our pilgrimage, we would notice the sunrise everyday, and how, at sunset, the birds would congregate for a little party of their own.  Instead of adding Facebook friends online, we were actually making friends in person, often over a cup of hot “chai”.   Life around us came alive in a new way.   

 

A walking pace is the speed of community.  Where high speeds facilitate separation, a slower pace gifts us an opportunity to commune.  

 

As we traversed rural India at the speed of a couple of miles per hour, it became clear how much we could learn simply by bearing witness to the villagers' way of life.   Their entire mental model is different -- the multiplication of wants is replaced by the basic fulfillment of human needs.When you are no longer preoccupied with asking for more and more stuff; then you just take what is given and give what is taken.  Life is simple again.  A farmer explained it to us this way: "You cannot make the clouds rain more, you cannot make the sun shine less.  They are just nature's gifts -- take it or leave it."  

 

When the things around you are seen as gifts, they are no longer a means to an end; they are the means and the end.  And thus, a cow-herder will tend to his animals with the compassion of a father, a village woman will wait 3 hours for a delayed bus without a trace of anger, a child will spend countless hours fascinated by stars in the galaxy, and finding his place in the vast cosmos.

 

So with today's modernized tools at your ready disposal, don’t let yourself zoom obliviously from point A to point B on the highways of life; try walking the backroads of the world, where you will witness a profoundly inextricable connection with all living things. 

 

The A in WALK stands for Accept.   When walking in this way, you place yourself in the palm of the universe, and face its realities head on. We walked at the peak of summer, in merciless temperatures hovering above 120 degrees.  Sometimes we were hungry, exhausted and even frustrated. Our bodies ached for just that extra drink of water, a few more moments in the shade, or just that little spark of human kindness. Many times we received that extra bit, and our hearts would overflow with gratitude.  But sometimes we were abruptly refused, and we had to cultivate the capacity to accept the gifts hidden in even the most challenging of moments.

 

I remember one such day, when we approached a rest house along a barren highway.  As heavy trucks whizzed past, we saw a sign, announcing that guests were hosted at no charge. “Ah, our lucky day,” we thought in delight.  I stepped inside eagerly.  The man behind the desk looked up and asked sharply, “Are you here to see the temple?” A simple yes from my lips would have instantly granted us a full meal and a room for the night.  But it wouldn’t have been the truth. So instead, I said, “Well, technically, no sir. We’re on a walking pilgrimage to become better people. But we would be glad to visit the temple.”  Rather abruptly, he retorted: “Um, sorry, we can’t host you.”  Something about his curt arrogance triggered a slew of negative emotions. I wanted to make a snide remark in return and slam the door on my way out.  Instead, I held my raging ego in check.  In that state of physical and mental exhaustion, it felt like a Herculean task-- but through the inner turmoil a voice surfaced within, telling me to accept the reality of this moment.

 

There was a quiet metamorphosis in me.  I humbly let go of my defenses, accepted my fate that day, and turned to leave without a murmur.  Perhaps the man behind the counter sensed this shift in me, because he yelled out just then, “So what exactly are you doing again?”  After my brief explanation he said, “Look, I can’t feed you or host you, because rules are rules.  But there are restrooms out in the back.  You could sleep outside the male restroom and your wife can sleep outside the female restroom.”  Though he was being kind, his offer felt like salt in my wounds.  We had no choice but to accept. 

 

That day we fasted and that night, we slept by the bathrooms.  A small lie could’ve bought us an upgrade, but that would’ve been no pilgrimage.  As I went to sleep with a wall separating me from my wife, I had this beautiful, unbidden vision of a couple climbing to the top of a mountain from two different sides.  Midway through this difficult ascent, as the man contemplated giving up, a small sparrow flew by with this counsel, “Don’t quit now, friend.  Your wife is eager to see you at the top.”  He kept climbing. A few days later, when the wife found herself on the brink of quitting, the little sparrow showed up with the same message.  Step by step, their love sustained their journey all the way to the mountaintop. Visited by the timely grace of this vision, I shed a few grateful tears -- and this story became a touchstone not only in our relationship, but many other noble friendships as well.

 

So I encourage you to cultivate equanimity and accept whatever life tosses into your laps -- when you do that, you will be blessed with the insight of an inner transformation that is yours to keep for all of time.

 

The L in WALK stands for Love.  The more we learned from nature, and built a kind of inner resilience to external circumstances, the more we fell into our natural state -- which was to be loving.  In our dominant paradigm, Hollywood has insidiously co-opted the word, but the love I’m talking about here is the kind of love that only knows one thing -- to give with no strings attached.  Purely.  Selflessly. 

 

Most of us believe that to give, we first need to have something to give.  The trouble with that is, that when we are taking stock of what we have, we almost always make accounting errors.  Oscar Wilde once quipped, “Now-a-days, people know the price of everything, but the value of nothing.”  We have forgotten how to value things without a price tag.  Hence, when we get to our most abundant gifts -- like attention, insight, compassion -- we confuse their worth because they’re, well, priceless.  

 

On our walking pilgrimage, we noticed that those who had the least were most readily equipped to honor the priceless.  In urban cities, the people we encountered began with an unspoken wariness: “Why are you doing this?  What do you want from me?”   In the countryside, on the other hand, villagers almost always met us with an open-hearted curiosity launching straight in with: “Hey buddy, you don’t look local.  What’s your story?”  

 

In the villages, your worth wasn’t assessed by your business card, professional network or your salary. That innate simplicity allowed them to love life and cherish all its connections.  

 

Extremely poor villagers, who couldn’t even afford their own meals, would often borrow food from their neighbors to feed us.  When we tried to refuse, they would simply explain: “To us, the guest is God.  This is our offering to the divine in you that connects us to each other.”  Now, how could one refuse that?  Street vendors often gifted us vegetables; in a very touching moment, an armless fruit-seller once insisted on giving us a slice of watermelon.  Everyone, no matter how old, would be overjoyed to give us directions, even when they weren’t fully sure of them. :)  And I still remember the woman who generously  gave us water when we were extremely thirsty -- only to later discover that she had to walk 10 kilometers at 4AM to get that one bucket of water. These people knew how to give, not because they had a lot, but because they knew how to love life.  They didn’t need any credit or assurance that you would ever return to pay them back.  Rather, they just trusted in the pay-it-forward circle of giving.

 

When you come alive in this way, you'll realize that true generosity doesn’t start when you have some thing to give, but rather when there’s nothing in you that’s trying to take.  So I hope that you will make all your precious moments an expression of loving life.

 

And lastly, the K in WALK stands for Know Thyself. 

 

Sages have long informed us that when we serve others unconditionally, we shift from the me-to-the-we and connect more deeply with the other.  That matrix of inter-connections allows for a profound quality of mental quietude.  Like a still lake undisturbed by waves or ripples, we are then able to see clearly into who we are and how we can live in deep harmony with the environment around us.

 

When one foot walks, the other rests.  Doing and being have to be in balance. 

 

Our rational mind wants to rightfully ensure progress, but our intuitive mind also needs space for the emergent, unknown and unplanned to arise.   Doing is certainly important, but when we aren't aware of our internal ecosystem, we get so vested in our plans and actions, that we don't notice the buildup of mental residue.  Over time, that unconscious internal noise starts polluting our motivations, our ethics and our spirit.  And so, it is critical to still the mind. A melody, after all, can only be created with the silence in between the notes. 

  

As we walked -- witnessed, accepted, loved -- our vision of the world indeed grew clearer.  That clarity, paradoxically enough, blurred our previous distinctions between me versus we, inner transformation versus external impact, and selfishness versus selflessness. They were inextricably connected. When a poor farmer gave me a tomato as a parting gift, with tears rolling down his eyes, was I receiving or giving?  When sat for hours in silent meditation, was the benefit solely mine or would it ripple out into the world?  When I lifted the haystack off an old man's head and carried it for a kilometer, was I serving him or serving myself?

 

Which is to say, don't just go through life -- grow through life. It will be easy and tempting for you to arrive at reflexive answers -- but make it a point, instead, to acknowledge mystery and welcome rich questions ... questions that nudge you towards a greater understanding of this world and your place in it.

 

That’s W-A-L-K.  And today, at this momentous milestone of your life, you came in walking and you will go out walking.   As you walk on into a world that is increasingly aiming to move beyond the speed of thought, I hope you will each remember the importance of traveling at the speed of thoughtfulness. I hope that you will take time to witness our magnificent interconnections. That you will accept the beautiful gifts of life even when they aren’t pretty, that you will practice loving selflessly and strive to know your deepest nature. 

 

I want to close with a story about my great grandfather.  He was a man of little wealth who still managed to give every single day of his life.  Each morning, he had a ritual of going on a walk -- and as he walked, he diligently fed the ant hills along his path with small pinches of wheat flour.  Now that is an act of micro generosity so small that it might seem utterly negligible, in the grand scheme of the universe.  How does it matter?  It matters in that it changed him inside.  And my great grandfather's goodness shaped the worldview of my grandparents who in turn influenced that of their children -- my parents.   Today those ants and the ant hills are gone, but my great grandpa’s spirit is very much embedded in all my actions and their future ripples. It is precisely these small, often invisible, acts of inner transformation that mold the stuff of our being, and bend the arc of our shared destiny. 

 

On your walk, today and always, I wish you the eyes to see the anthills and the heart to feed them with joy. 

 

May you be blessed. Change yourself -- change the world.

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This is a transcript of the Baccalaureate address to UPenn's graduating class of 2012, delivered by Nipun Mehta. Nipun is the founder of ServiceSpace.org, a nonprofit that works at the intersection of gift-economy, technology and volunteerism. His popular TED talk Designing for Generosity provides an overview of their work and guiding principles.

The Cab Chronicles: Solving the Mystery of Women

 ‘The heat is increasing incessantly. How are you bearing it?’

‘Don’t ask Karthik. This place is turning more into an oven nowadays’, Arvind said wiping the perspiring sweat from his face. 

‘It’s time to start. Who are we waiting for still?’ exclaimed Joseph. 

Just then, Mani knocked at the cab door. He was talking on his phone hence he opened the cab door & diligently dropped his bag in the seat & went out again, continuing his phone conversation. 

‘Now that’s what I call the marriage syndrome’, said Arvind.

‘What’s that’, Joseph asked excitedly?

‘Well, you see the time after a person gets engaged, is the happiest time’?

‘For a person?’Joseph interjected.

‘No, the telecom company’, sighed Arvind. 

Karthik couldn’t hold back his laugh & said ‘Rightly said so, Arvind.’

Arvind continued. ‘Before getting engaged, work remains a big part of the person’s life. After engagement, his phone becomes a big part of his life. The amount of time on the phone increases accordingly, which gets duly reflected in the phone bills. I saw Mani thrice today & on all the occasions, I saw him talking on the phone’

‘Yeah, telecom companies do everything at their disposal to create avenues for people to come together, so to cash in on the emotions.  I have a hunch that the months preceding the time of the year when marriages happens most, would be the most profitable quarter for the Telecom providers.

The driver entered the cab signaling we were ready to leave now. Karthik signaled Mani to board the cab, who was busy walking to & fro still lost in his phone conversation. It took a while to catch Mani’s attention, but eventually he noticed & came back. 

‘Sorry guys to keep you waiting. Just busy on a call’, said Mani

‘No problem. Carry on’, said Karthik. 

The cab started & the driver switched on the A/C which provided a big relief to all. Since Mani was on the phone, the whole cab remained silent.

Surprisingly, Mani wasn’t talking at all. I mean he wasn’t speaking much. The two words which we heard were ‘Yes dear’, ‘No dear’ that too used very infrequently. 

Sometime just to break the monotony of the conversation, Mani would speak up few other words such as ‘Uhmm’, ‘Yea yea’. The longest sentence which he would have spoken was for 4 words. ‘Is it? Then fine’. 

After 20 minutes of conversing, Mani abruptly ended the call. Joseph had dozed off listening to ‘Yes, No dear’. Karthik surprised by the sudden end of the call asked ‘Is all well’, Mani?’ The end of lullaby (phone conversation) seemed to have its effect on Joseph, who woke up. 

“All is well, Karthik, replied Mani. Why do you ask?’ 

‘It seemed strange that you ended your phone abruptly after what seemed to be an engrossing conversation’.

‘Oh, that. My phone charge is completely off’.

‘Oh I see. How are the marriage arrangements coming up?’

‘Going on pretty well. A lot more stuff to finalize still, so plenty of things at our hands. Even now, we were discussing about the printing of marriage invitations’

‘Ohh. That’s nice’, remarked Joseph wondering from which angle would the conversation qualify as a discussion. 

‘Yeah. We had a healthy discussion. She was sharing her inputs on various things and I agreed with her’, said Mani.

Arvind, Karthik nodded in quiet agreements, as if empathizing with Mani’s state. 

“So what happens after the marriage syndrome?” Do we have any cure for that, asked Joseph.

‘Well, you see. It’s quite a paradox. The solution for Marriage syndrome co-incidentally is Marriage itself’ replied Arvind.

‘I don’t get it?’ Joseph asked quizzically.

‘Well, Joseph it’s like this. For anyone inflicted with Marriage syndrome, it’s like a phase. The symptoms start withdrawing after marriage. The amount of time spent on phone reduces till a point where you would be happy to leave your phone. 

‘I agree. I feel that the amount of time spent on phone before & after a marriage follows a bell curve distribution. Increasing until a crest & then decreasing eventually to zero. 

‘Is it?’, wondered Mani thinking which point of the bell curve he was currently in. 

‘Practically speaking, the marriage syndrome is meant to help the guy and girl get to know each other. 

But nothing could be farther from the truth’ remarked Karthik.

‘I don’t think so. We get to know others the more we talk. We identify each others interest, likes, dislikes etc. Don’t you think so?’ asked Mani.

‘Well my boy, that’s the myth. One figures that it is normal to understand someone after spending time with them, but in case of women, it’s not applicable. I can say with experience that with woman, the longer the time you spend with them, the harder it will be to understand them. Actually, this topic is quite worthy of a PhD thesis. So much unexplored & undefined. The fact that no man has solved the mystery yet, speaks of the insurmountable challenges that lie ahead.’

‘Why don’t you both share some insights from your experience on ‘What to do & what not to do in a marriage, so as to avoid unhappiness in life?’ asked Joseph. 

‘I hope we could do that. As is the case, the more you think that you have solved it, the more you realize it’s unsolved. It’s complicated’, Arvind said. 

‘Maybe, but there may be some general insights which you would know. At-least that will help us avoid the pain points’, Mani asked eagerly. 

‘Well, there may be few axioms which if followed to the letter would help you avoid some amount of trouble. ‘ said Arvind donning the sage mode ready to share his gyaan!

‘So, what is that axiom’, asked Mani.

‘Remember the one & only most important axiom ‘She is always right’. No matter what the situation is, what the place, just keep this one thing in mind. She is always right. Just agree with her & life will be ok for you. ‘ said Arvind. 

‘But, what if she had made some mistake & you need to correct it?’ asked Joseph

‘Well, God save the person who is courageous enough to point a woman her mistake & moreover tell her what to do. That’s the quickest suicidal way. Not only you earn the wrath of the woman for a lifetime, you end up being the reason for every bad thing that happens. She will not rest until she has earned her revenge. Keep that in mind’

‘Uhmm’, Mani murmured wondering if has done anything like that yet. 

‘Don’t worry Mani, based on what we heard today, your conversing style is pretty good. If you stick to that, I doubt if you will ever make that mistake’, Karthik said jokingly. 

Arvind continued, ‘That said, it doesn’t mean that just agreeing with her will ease things out. You have to exhibit that you will be for her in any situation when she needs you. 

‘How can one tell that she needs me’, asked Mani.

‘Well, that I can’t say. I have thought about it from all possible logic & I have never been able to understand how one can figure that out‘

‘I completely agree with you’, Karthik replied. ‘Once, I had an office meeting late into night. When my wife called & said that she thought she was feeling little uneasy & wants to see a doctor. Since I was busy, I told her ‘That it would be nothing & that in some-time, she will feel better’. I couldn’t speak for long because of my meeting but I told her we will see about it once I reach home. I think she kind off said that she wants me to be at home immediately, but I didn’t give it much importance then. I reached home little late & being tired went to sleep. It was in the morning when I remembered about her health and asked how she was feeling now. All I got was a glaring look & ‘Nothing’ reply.

‘Was that all that happened’, Arvind asked inquiringly? It seems that you got away with it easily.

‘Well, that was just the beginning. The morning tea & breakfast surprisingly for the next 3 days was sour & bland. In order to save further trouble, I told my wife that I wanted her to rest & that I will eat at office itself.’

‘I get the idea here. If you had reached home when your wife had called you, wouldn’t that have made her happy? Next time, you can rectify your mistake & things will be easy from then on, isn’t?’ remarked Joseph. 

‘Even I thought so. But with time, I realized that it is impossible to figure out when a woman needs you. Few weeks later, something similar happened. I was on my way to office early for a meeting, when my wife called me & said ‘she was feeling a little uneasy and thought she had fever’. My intuitive mind quickly activated & recalled my previous conversation with her. I thought she expects me to be with her now & I shouldn’t miss a good chance to show how much I cared for her. I called up the office, cancelled the meeting & quickly reached back home. Any idea what I got in return?’

‘A big smile? A hug?’ asked Joseph

‘Nope. A glaring look again!’ replied Karthik dejectedly. She said I was stupid to cancel an important meeting for which I had started early & for which even she had got up early. She remarked ‘you should know how to prioritize things. you needn’t have come.  

I told her that since she was feeling uneasy, I thought of being with her. She replied ‘you shouldn’t waste your time on small things like this. If I hadn’t woken up soon, I think I wouldn’t have felt uneasy’ - indirectly blaming me for the outcome. Karthik seemed to choke as the old memories came back to haunt him. 

Joseph had dozed off again. Listening to all the contrasting realities would have taken a toll on his already tired mind & body, so he had retired to sleep. Mani had a perplexed look in his face as if weighing the incidents & wondering what to infer from them. 

‘All said & done, does a solution exist?’ asked Mani in a despaired tone, since things were looking bleak no matter how one looked at it. 

‘Don’t worry Mani, remarked Arvind. You get used to it after a period of time. It’s like the stock markets, one day you see it reaching heights & the other day, rock bottom. In due time, you began to expect it & when that happens, the reality somehow seems better than your worse expectations. You will learn in due time.’

The cab driver slowed down as we got near to Karthik’s drop point.  His phone rang at the same time. He picked up his phone & as he got down, Mani could hear him say ‘Yes dear. You are right’!

‘That’s experience speaking’ remarked Arvind as we bid adieu to Karthik & went ahead with the journey.