Paths Are Made By Walking - A Touching Read

A saying goes 'The best of things are always found in the simplest things'. It's surprising that as we grow, we tend to forget about the simple things which really gives us happiness. Some of my favorite speeches include that of Steve Jobs speech, the Last Lecture which has touched many people just by the simplicity of their message.Recently, i had read a graduation speech by Nipun Mehta, and was touched by the simple message it share. I have shared the entire transcript of the speech below for your benefit. Iam sure you would be touched too. Happy reading!

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[Offbeat Graduation Speech Gets Standing Ovation: 2012's Baccalaureate speaker at the University of Pennsylvania was an unconventional choice for an Ivy League school. To address their newly-minted graduates, aspiring to dazzling careers, they picked a man who has never in his adult life, applied for a job. A man who hasn't worked for pay in nearly a decade, and whose self-stated mission is simply "to bring smiles to the world and stillness to my heart". This off-the-radar speaker launched his address with a startling piece of advice. Following up with four key insights gleaned from a radical 1000 km walking pilgrimage through the villages of India. As he closed his one-of-a-kind Graduation Day speech, the sea of cap and gowned students rose to their feet for a standing ovation. What follows is the full transcript of the talk by Nipun Mehta. --DailyGood Editors]

 

Thank you to my distinguished friends, President Amy Gutmann, Provost Vincent Price and Rev. Charles Howard for inviting me to share a few reflections on this joyous occasion.  It is an honor and privilege to congratulate you -- UPenn’s class of 2012. 

 

Right now each one of you is sitting on the runway of life primed for takeoff. You are some of the world's most gifted, elite, and driven college graduates – and you are undeniably ready to fly.  So what I’m about to say next may sound a bit crazy.  I want to urge you, not to fly, but to – walk.  Four years ago, you walked into this marvelous laboratory of higher learning. Today, heads held high, you walk to receive your diplomas.  Tomorrow, you will walk into a world of infinite possibilities. 

 

But walking, in our high-speed world, has unfortunately fallen out of favor.  The word “pedestrian” itself is used to describe something ordinary and commonplace.  Yet, walking with intention has deep roots.  Australia's aboriginal youth go on walkabouts as a rite of passage; Native American tribes conduct vision quests in the wilderness; in Europe, for centuries, people have walked the Camino de Santiago, which spans the breadth of Spain.  Such pilgrims place one foot firmly in front of the other, to fall in step with the rhythms of the universe and the cadence of their own hearts. 

 

Back in 2005, six months into our marriage, my wife and I decided to “step it up” ourselves and go on a walking pilgrimage.  At the peak of our efforts with ServiceSpace, we wondered if we had the capacity to put aside our worldly success and seek higher truths.  Have you ever  thought of something and then just known that it had to happen? It was one of those things.  So we sold all our major belongings, and bought a one-way ticket to India.  Our plan was to head to Mahatma Gandhi’s ashram, since he had always been an inspiration to us, and then walk South.  Between the two of us, we budgeted a dollar a day, mostly for incidentals -- which meant that for our survival we had to depend utterly on the kindness of strangers.  We ate whatever food was offered and slept wherever place was offered.  

 

Now, I do have to say, such ideas come with a warning: do not try this at home, because your partner might not exactly welcome this kind of honeymoon. :-)

 

For us, this walk was a pilgrimage -- and our goal was simply to be in a space larger than our egos, and to allow that compassion to guide us in unscripted acts of service along the way.  Stripped entirely of our comfort zone and accustomed identities, could we still “keep it real”?  That was our challenge.

 

We ended up walking 1000 kilometers over three months. In that period, we encountered the very best and the very worst of human nature -- not just in others, but also within ourselves.

 

Soon after we ended the pilgrimage, my uncle casually popped the million dollar question at the dinner table: "So, Nipun, what did you learn from this walk?"  I didn't know where to begin.  But quite spontaneously, an acronym -- W-A-L-K -- came to mind, which encompassed the key lessons we had learned, and continue to relearn, even to this day.  As you start the next phase of your journey, I want to share those nuggets with the hope that it might illuminate your path in some small way too.

 

The W in WALK stands for Witness.  When you walk, you quite literally see more.  Your field of vision is nearly 180 degrees, compared to 40 degrees when you’re traveling at 62 mph.  Higher speeds smudge our peripheral vision, whereas walking actually broadens your canvas and dramatically shifts the objects of your attention.  For instance, on our pilgrimage, we would notice the sunrise everyday, and how, at sunset, the birds would congregate for a little party of their own.  Instead of adding Facebook friends online, we were actually making friends in person, often over a cup of hot “chai”.   Life around us came alive in a new way.   

 

A walking pace is the speed of community.  Where high speeds facilitate separation, a slower pace gifts us an opportunity to commune.  

 

As we traversed rural India at the speed of a couple of miles per hour, it became clear how much we could learn simply by bearing witness to the villagers' way of life.   Their entire mental model is different -- the multiplication of wants is replaced by the basic fulfillment of human needs.When you are no longer preoccupied with asking for more and more stuff; then you just take what is given and give what is taken.  Life is simple again.  A farmer explained it to us this way: "You cannot make the clouds rain more, you cannot make the sun shine less.  They are just nature's gifts -- take it or leave it."  

 

When the things around you are seen as gifts, they are no longer a means to an end; they are the means and the end.  And thus, a cow-herder will tend to his animals with the compassion of a father, a village woman will wait 3 hours for a delayed bus without a trace of anger, a child will spend countless hours fascinated by stars in the galaxy, and finding his place in the vast cosmos.

 

So with today's modernized tools at your ready disposal, don’t let yourself zoom obliviously from point A to point B on the highways of life; try walking the backroads of the world, where you will witness a profoundly inextricable connection with all living things. 

 

The A in WALK stands for Accept.   When walking in this way, you place yourself in the palm of the universe, and face its realities head on. We walked at the peak of summer, in merciless temperatures hovering above 120 degrees.  Sometimes we were hungry, exhausted and even frustrated. Our bodies ached for just that extra drink of water, a few more moments in the shade, or just that little spark of human kindness. Many times we received that extra bit, and our hearts would overflow with gratitude.  But sometimes we were abruptly refused, and we had to cultivate the capacity to accept the gifts hidden in even the most challenging of moments.

 

I remember one such day, when we approached a rest house along a barren highway.  As heavy trucks whizzed past, we saw a sign, announcing that guests were hosted at no charge. “Ah, our lucky day,” we thought in delight.  I stepped inside eagerly.  The man behind the desk looked up and asked sharply, “Are you here to see the temple?” A simple yes from my lips would have instantly granted us a full meal and a room for the night.  But it wouldn’t have been the truth. So instead, I said, “Well, technically, no sir. We’re on a walking pilgrimage to become better people. But we would be glad to visit the temple.”  Rather abruptly, he retorted: “Um, sorry, we can’t host you.”  Something about his curt arrogance triggered a slew of negative emotions. I wanted to make a snide remark in return and slam the door on my way out.  Instead, I held my raging ego in check.  In that state of physical and mental exhaustion, it felt like a Herculean task-- but through the inner turmoil a voice surfaced within, telling me to accept the reality of this moment.

 

There was a quiet metamorphosis in me.  I humbly let go of my defenses, accepted my fate that day, and turned to leave without a murmur.  Perhaps the man behind the counter sensed this shift in me, because he yelled out just then, “So what exactly are you doing again?”  After my brief explanation he said, “Look, I can’t feed you or host you, because rules are rules.  But there are restrooms out in the back.  You could sleep outside the male restroom and your wife can sleep outside the female restroom.”  Though he was being kind, his offer felt like salt in my wounds.  We had no choice but to accept. 

 

That day we fasted and that night, we slept by the bathrooms.  A small lie could’ve bought us an upgrade, but that would’ve been no pilgrimage.  As I went to sleep with a wall separating me from my wife, I had this beautiful, unbidden vision of a couple climbing to the top of a mountain from two different sides.  Midway through this difficult ascent, as the man contemplated giving up, a small sparrow flew by with this counsel, “Don’t quit now, friend.  Your wife is eager to see you at the top.”  He kept climbing. A few days later, when the wife found herself on the brink of quitting, the little sparrow showed up with the same message.  Step by step, their love sustained their journey all the way to the mountaintop. Visited by the timely grace of this vision, I shed a few grateful tears -- and this story became a touchstone not only in our relationship, but many other noble friendships as well.

 

So I encourage you to cultivate equanimity and accept whatever life tosses into your laps -- when you do that, you will be blessed with the insight of an inner transformation that is yours to keep for all of time.

 

The L in WALK stands for Love.  The more we learned from nature, and built a kind of inner resilience to external circumstances, the more we fell into our natural state -- which was to be loving.  In our dominant paradigm, Hollywood has insidiously co-opted the word, but the love I’m talking about here is the kind of love that only knows one thing -- to give with no strings attached.  Purely.  Selflessly. 

 

Most of us believe that to give, we first need to have something to give.  The trouble with that is, that when we are taking stock of what we have, we almost always make accounting errors.  Oscar Wilde once quipped, “Now-a-days, people know the price of everything, but the value of nothing.”  We have forgotten how to value things without a price tag.  Hence, when we get to our most abundant gifts -- like attention, insight, compassion -- we confuse their worth because they’re, well, priceless.  

 

On our walking pilgrimage, we noticed that those who had the least were most readily equipped to honor the priceless.  In urban cities, the people we encountered began with an unspoken wariness: “Why are you doing this?  What do you want from me?”   In the countryside, on the other hand, villagers almost always met us with an open-hearted curiosity launching straight in with: “Hey buddy, you don’t look local.  What’s your story?”  

 

In the villages, your worth wasn’t assessed by your business card, professional network or your salary. That innate simplicity allowed them to love life and cherish all its connections.  

 

Extremely poor villagers, who couldn’t even afford their own meals, would often borrow food from their neighbors to feed us.  When we tried to refuse, they would simply explain: “To us, the guest is God.  This is our offering to the divine in you that connects us to each other.”  Now, how could one refuse that?  Street vendors often gifted us vegetables; in a very touching moment, an armless fruit-seller once insisted on giving us a slice of watermelon.  Everyone, no matter how old, would be overjoyed to give us directions, even when they weren’t fully sure of them. :)  And I still remember the woman who generously  gave us water when we were extremely thirsty -- only to later discover that she had to walk 10 kilometers at 4AM to get that one bucket of water. These people knew how to give, not because they had a lot, but because they knew how to love life.  They didn’t need any credit or assurance that you would ever return to pay them back.  Rather, they just trusted in the pay-it-forward circle of giving.

 

When you come alive in this way, you'll realize that true generosity doesn’t start when you have some thing to give, but rather when there’s nothing in you that’s trying to take.  So I hope that you will make all your precious moments an expression of loving life.

 

And lastly, the K in WALK stands for Know Thyself. 

 

Sages have long informed us that when we serve others unconditionally, we shift from the me-to-the-we and connect more deeply with the other.  That matrix of inter-connections allows for a profound quality of mental quietude.  Like a still lake undisturbed by waves or ripples, we are then able to see clearly into who we are and how we can live in deep harmony with the environment around us.

 

When one foot walks, the other rests.  Doing and being have to be in balance. 

 

Our rational mind wants to rightfully ensure progress, but our intuitive mind also needs space for the emergent, unknown and unplanned to arise.   Doing is certainly important, but when we aren't aware of our internal ecosystem, we get so vested in our plans and actions, that we don't notice the buildup of mental residue.  Over time, that unconscious internal noise starts polluting our motivations, our ethics and our spirit.  And so, it is critical to still the mind. A melody, after all, can only be created with the silence in between the notes. 

  

As we walked -- witnessed, accepted, loved -- our vision of the world indeed grew clearer.  That clarity, paradoxically enough, blurred our previous distinctions between me versus we, inner transformation versus external impact, and selfishness versus selflessness. They were inextricably connected. When a poor farmer gave me a tomato as a parting gift, with tears rolling down his eyes, was I receiving or giving?  When sat for hours in silent meditation, was the benefit solely mine or would it ripple out into the world?  When I lifted the haystack off an old man's head and carried it for a kilometer, was I serving him or serving myself?

 

Which is to say, don't just go through life -- grow through life. It will be easy and tempting for you to arrive at reflexive answers -- but make it a point, instead, to acknowledge mystery and welcome rich questions ... questions that nudge you towards a greater understanding of this world and your place in it.

 

That’s W-A-L-K.  And today, at this momentous milestone of your life, you came in walking and you will go out walking.   As you walk on into a world that is increasingly aiming to move beyond the speed of thought, I hope you will each remember the importance of traveling at the speed of thoughtfulness. I hope that you will take time to witness our magnificent interconnections. That you will accept the beautiful gifts of life even when they aren’t pretty, that you will practice loving selflessly and strive to know your deepest nature. 

 

I want to close with a story about my great grandfather.  He was a man of little wealth who still managed to give every single day of his life.  Each morning, he had a ritual of going on a walk -- and as he walked, he diligently fed the ant hills along his path with small pinches of wheat flour.  Now that is an act of micro generosity so small that it might seem utterly negligible, in the grand scheme of the universe.  How does it matter?  It matters in that it changed him inside.  And my great grandfather's goodness shaped the worldview of my grandparents who in turn influenced that of their children -- my parents.   Today those ants and the ant hills are gone, but my great grandpa’s spirit is very much embedded in all my actions and their future ripples. It is precisely these small, often invisible, acts of inner transformation that mold the stuff of our being, and bend the arc of our shared destiny. 

 

On your walk, today and always, I wish you the eyes to see the anthills and the heart to feed them with joy. 

 

May you be blessed. Change yourself -- change the world.

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This is a transcript of the Baccalaureate address to UPenn's graduating class of 2012, delivered by Nipun Mehta. Nipun is the founder of ServiceSpace.org, a nonprofit that works at the intersection of gift-economy, technology and volunteerism. His popular TED talk Designing for Generosity provides an overview of their work and guiding principles.

The Law of Reciprocity

I was motivated to write this post when I was having a casual conversation with my colleague Ashish.  He was assisting a junior acquaintance of mine for his GD/PI preparations in an institute. The background story is that I had referred Ashish’s name to my junior who was appearing for GD/PI in the same institute which Ashish had graduated last year. For the last 4-5 days, Ashish had been spending close to 45 minutes discussing & assisting my junior with his preparations even though my junior was a stranger to Ashish until then. I was appreciating Ashish on his good natured help, when he said that he was simply returning the favor. That got me interested and I asked him which favor he was referring to. He replied that when he was preparing for his GD/PI interview, he was assisted by his senior who had spent quality time with him which helped him in converting his call. Now he being a senior, he simply was returning the favor back by helping someone.

That got me thinking. My friend Ashish was not only being grateful for the help he had received, he was also reciprocating it by freely offering his services. What’s more interesting is the fact that the senior who had helped Ashish had started off a chain of reciprocity by helping Ashish. Or probably that senior would have received some help from his senior and he too decided to help his junior (Ashish). No matter what the case was, the good thing is that the chain of reciprocity was started because of the act of a one individual who had offered a help initially. And it continues to touch many people’s lives in multiple ways. It also makes people grateful for the help received & provides free help being offered to the deserving. And probably, this is what immortal truly is. Someone who remembers your little act of kindness/help & helps others by being grateful for it, I think that you have been immortalized by your act of kindness. Thinking back, even in my life I can recall instances when people have touched my life by sharing an encouraging word when I was down or by sharing inputs which had helped me make a good decision. Iam sure all of us would have experienced something similar.

We don multiple roles every day like that of a Father, a son, an employee, a Manager, a Citizen, a Human. We become so engrossed with our own lives, that it’s only less often we tend to reflect on the impact we are making on others & what we are doing to make this  world a better place. Even if we intentionally focus on taking an initiative and doing one minor good act for someone, for anyone who we meet, the good feeling which comes along with it can only be experienced.  The act of kindness can be a small thing like guiding someone who is confused, cheering up someone, helping someone financially, there is no limit to the way we can touch others life. The one learning which I would like you to take from this article is ‘How many chains of reciprocity have you initiated today’. 

As  Stephan Grellet said,

“I expect to pass through this world but once; any good thing therefore that I can do, or any kindness that I can show to any fellow creature, let me do it now; let me not defer or neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again.”

Is it impossible for another Steve Jobs to be born in this world?

Iam currently reading ‘Steve Jobs’ by Walter Isaacson, and completely glued to it. There are many incidents which spark a chain of (positive) thoughts in different directions. Anyways, don’t worry. I won’t be elucidating the nitty-gritty of the book in this article. Nor Iam going to speak about Steve Jobs and his legendary work. I leave it up-to you to get a hold of the book and see it for yourself. The main reason why I got inspired to write this post was to raise a simple question.  “What does it takes to become a legend like Steve”

In one of the chapters in the book, Steve Jobs after addressing Stanford University students makes an observation that “the new generation of kids has become more materialistic & careerist than his generation.  He says that there was a wave of practical purposefulness which was present but now students aren’t thinking in idealistic terms or nowhere near it.”  Now, how is this statement related to the title of this article?

It’s my personal belief that to do great things in life, one has to be great himself; in the sense, great in terms of thought, attitude and value system. And why do I say that? Steve Jobs life has many instances where his actions were guided by certain maxims, by his belief systems, strive for perfection and his passion for creating WOW products. There were few situations where in he did it just to get an experience and in the process somehow connected the dots and made use of the opportunity which presented before him. 

Unfortunately, many of today’s youngsters are motivated by job titles, compensation, perks etc rather than the most important thing which is required at-least a Passion for the work being done. Iam not saying that everyone has such mindset. Some of my good friends are passionate about what they do, and that’s why they do what they do. And it mighty feels good to see them working on their passion. But my concern is the vast majority of the student population who are getting into jobs just to make a living. 

The need of the hour is people recognize that there is innate potential waiting to be tapped in them and it’s better to do what they like doing. If 5-10 people passionate people can make a difference, imagine the difference 5K-10K people can make?

I would say the following 3 traits is required to create and do great things. [Of course, other traits like hard working, perseverance, patience, humility, visionary etc else is needed. But the below highlights the few MUST criteria’s to be able to succeed]

       a)  Open attitude to experience

       b) WHY & not WHAT

       c)  Strive for perfection

One with an open attitude to embrace life in its fullest will experience uncertainty & risk. While it brings a whole set of good and bad things in to your life, understanding and learning from the up’s and down moments will help us wade through uncertain times & succeed later.

Many times in our life, we are motivated by ‘WHAT’. What will I get if I do this? What’s in it for me etc etc. but we forgot that to become truly successful in anything we do, what matter is not the WHAT but WHY. ‘Why should I do it’, Instead of asking ‘What is in it for me’ ask – “Why is this for me”. If you can come up with a good answer for that, there will be no doubt about the outcome of your work.

Man’s search for perfection lends a meaning to his life. Otherwise, routine life brings with it routine job which is just ROUTINE. Strive for perfection in any work you do. That’s what Martin  Luther King Jr famously said “Sweep streets so well that all the hosts of heaven and earth will have to pause and say: Here lived a great street sweeper who swept his job well.”

 

To sum up, the tenet on which I raised the question ‘Is it impossible for another Steve Jobs to be born in this world?’  is based on the state of mindset of current generation on pursuing materialistic things which are transient.  But if we realize that and start exploring things, begin doings thing we love or love what we do (which holds true either way) & a focus on doing things perfectly as much as possible, all the traits which were one of the prime reason for Steve Jobs to be an iconic legend, will be applicable for others too. I firmly believe that each of us can make a dent in the universe too.

Stay Hungry, Stay Foolish :)

Connect the dots

It’s being a month and half since I blogged. And just last month, I said to myself that I will blog once a week. Life has its own way of making us realize our folly of assuming to be in control of a situation. Well, few updates from my work place. It’s being 2 months in my job and the experience has been good until now. Except that as being in corporate, one gets very little time for oneself.  The reason why iam stating all this is because there have been numerous times when I have got many ideas for writing articles. But I didn’t get the time, rather I didn’t make the time for it. Hence, the lull for more than 45 days. Fortunately, the jinx has been broken now.  

Iam sure you have heard the famous speech by Steve Jobs at Stanford University during the Graduation ceremony. If no, I strongly suggest you spend some time watching it, his speech is very inspiring & insightful. For those who have seen the video, Steve Job shares 3 lessons from his life. This article is on the 2^nd lesson which he shared “Connecting the dots”. (For those, who havent seen the video, the 2^nd lessons tell about how Steve during his graduation time, attended a course on calligraphy. At that time, it didn’t make sense for him to take that course. However, after he founded Apple, due to his calligraphy knowledge, Apple was able to bring in different fonts which we use today. If he hadn’t attended that course, there wouldn’t have been this variety in the fonts. Steve says ‘Connecting the dots at a later point of time makes us realize that whatever had happened, happened for a reason’)

I was discussing about life with one of my friends, (Don’t be scared. We don’t do that kind of talking often. Still, being human we are bound to commit mistakes sometimes ;) ) We were reminiscing on the turn of events from our times of graduation. We have had some dreams, aspirations as we were grew. Few dreams got fulfilled, few never materialized yet at this point of time, we are in a place and situation perfectly suited for us. Few of us call it destiny, like things have already being pre-ordained and things are bound to happen in a certain way.  If we look at the journey we undertake each day in our life , the journey towards our dreams, aspirations , the aspiration for a Big home, the aspiration of earning 6 digit salaries , the aspiration for a promotion etc.  But sometimes, we may end up not achieving it. The causes may be intrinsic or extrinsic. Whatever be the cause, the fact of not achieving our aspirations hurts us to a large extent and we lose hope in ourselves & resign ourselves to fate. Or, we end up blaming Tom, Dick and Harry for our misfortune and continue to live our life cribbing on our bad luck. Now guess what the surprising part is. Some years later, we feel that somehow things have got in place. The things which we had aspired have materialized and we feel probably that’s the best way it could have taken place. Unfortunately, in the interim time which we had spent cribbing or regretting has gone away. If only we had known that things would turn out to be better later, we could have spent the interim time in a much more effective & happier manner. 

Just imagine the possibilities of things, activities you could do by being a little more positive minded during the hard times. So do we have a secret of being happy no matter what happens? Guess what, we just heard the secret.  Simply by connecting the dots. Yes, connecting the dots in REAL TIME. When we live our daily life, whenever we face failures, challenges and obstacles, all we need to do is to happily maneuver them & to say “Gosh, I know how this is gonna turn up. Things are happening in a way, which helps me reach my goal. Just that I need to be prepared and this situation prepares me for my future.” 

Connecting the dots when the unexpected things happen enables us not only to stay pleasant but also helps us retain a positive mindset which ensures we strive towards our goals in a healthy, effective manner. Moreover, we wouldn’t be blaming anyone, or blaming our misfortune for any happening. Because we know that what’s happening today is happening for our future benefit. If things go our way, we are Happy. If things don’t go our way, we are still Happy. We don’t have a choice but to lead a Happy life, as long as we connect up the dots in REAL TIME. 

Happy Living J

Am I with a right partner?

During a seminar, a woman asked," How do I know if I am with the right person?" The author then noticed that there was a large man sitting next to her so he said, "It depends. Is that your partner?" In all seriousness, she answered "How do you know?" Let me answer this question because the chances are good that it's weighing on your mind replied the author. Here's the answer. Every relationship has a cycle...In the beginning; you fall in love with your partner. You anticipate their calls, want their touch, and like their idiosyncrasies. Falling in love wasn't hard. In fact, it was a completely natural and spontaneous experience. You didn't have to DO anything.

That's why it's called "falling" in love. People in love sometimes say, "I was swept off my feet." Picture the expression. It implies that you were just standing there; doing nothing, and then something happened TO YOU. Falling in love is a passive and spontaneous experience. But after a few months or years of being together, the euphoria of love fades. It's a natural cycle of EVERY relationship. Slowly but surely, phone calls become a bother (if they come at all), touch is not always welcome (when it happens), and your spouse’s idiosyncrasies, instead of being cute, drive you nuts. The symptoms of this stage vary with every relationship; you will notice a dramatic difference between the initial stage when you were in love and a much duller or even angry subsequent stage. At this point, you and/or your partner might start asking, "Am I with the right person?"

And as you reflect on the euphoria of the love you once had, you may begin to desire that experience with someone else. This is when relationships breakdown. The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found. People blame their partners for their unhappiness and look outside for fulfillment. Extramarital fulfillment comes in all shapes and sizes. Infidelity is the most common. But sometimes people turn to work, a hobby, a friendship, excessive TV, or abusive substances. But the answer to this dilemma does NOT lie outside your relationship. It lies within it. I'm not saying that you couldn't fall in love with someone else. You could. 

And TEMPORARILY you'd feel better. But you'd be in the same situation a few years later. Because (listen carefully to this): The key to succeeding in a relationship is not finding the right person; it's learning to love the person you found. SUSTAINING love is not a passive or spontaneous experience. You have to work on it day in and day out. It takes time, effort, and energy. And most importantly, it demands WISDOM. You have to know WHAT TO DO to make it work. Make no mistake about it. Love is NOT a mystery. There are specific things you can do (with or without your partner). Just as there are physical laws of the universe (such as gravity), there are also laws for relationships. If you know and apply these laws, the results are predictable.
 
Remember this always: God determines who walks into your life. It is up to you to decide who you refuse to let GO!!

Source: Mail. Thanks Preeti for sharing this. And Happy Bday to you. :)

Que Sera Sera

Que Sera Sera means Whatever Will Be, Will Be.

There lived an old man and his son near a mountainous area. They belonged to a tribe which consisted of 30 other families. The tribe’s primary mode of occupation was cattle rearing. Cattles were used not only for their livelihood but other avenues of revenue generation such as farming, transportation etc. Among the cattle, the sheep constituted the majority of the cattle followed by horse. Since the majority of the revenues came from renting their cattle nearby village, the wealth of a family was determined by the number of cattle they possessed, which it turn reflected the social standing of a family among its tribe. The tribal man had 5 sheeps and 1 horse which he had obtained from his father and had continued the same occupation since he was young. He too had trained his son in the same occupation. The young son specifically looked after the horse while the old man cared for the sheeps.

One day, the old man received a note requesting him for few goods from the nearby village. He instructed his son to leave for the village. The young son left in his horse along with the goods. While returning, due to the continuous journey, he stopped in a place for taking a brief nap. When he woke up, his horse had vanished. He wondered if the horse had been taken by some bandits or if it had run away. Mulling over this, he reached home and conveyed the sad news to his father. Possessing a horse was a matter of pride among the tribe and losing the only horse affected the old man’s status in the village. When the villagers came to know of the news, they all remarked “How unfortunate. What are you going to do now”? The old man remarked “Que Sera Sera”. The villagers nodded silently and left but internally they mocked him. Maybe he has become very sad and hence replying like this. 

Months went by. One day, the young son woke up and opened the door. He was surprised to see his horse standing outside his home. More surprisingly, there stood a female horse along with his horse.  His horse had gone into the jungle along with a female horse and now it had returned back home.The son ran to his father to convey the good news. The villagers were surprised by the turn of events. They went to the old man and congratulated him. Now his status had increased in the tribe. Having a male and female horse was perfect as they would produce more horses. ‘Your life has changed now. This is an occasion for big celebration, they remarked’. The old man smiled and replied ‘Que Sera Sera’.  The villagers wondered what the old man meant. Instead of celebrating with them, he was playing it down. Crazy old man, they said and went away.

The young son started training with his horse and its companion. During one such training, the son took the two horses to the mountains and while on the way back, he tumbled and fell down. Due to the fall, he broke his leg. Somehow he reached home and was hospitalized immediately. He underwent therapy but the doctors said that the young man can’t walk normally again. He would have to limp for the rest of his life. When the villagers came to know of the news, they met the old man and offered their condolences. ‘Poor guy, it must be really hard on you to see your son in this state’ remarked one fellow. The old man had a grim face. He felt sad about the state of his son and felt sorry for him. He just replied ‘Que Sera Sera’.  

The son got well and resumed his daily work. Though he couldn’t walk normally as before, he got used to moving around with a limp. Few weeks later, the messengers from the King arrived in the village. They had a message from the King. There were rumors that the neighbor king had plans to attack their country.  In order to have his army at full strength, the king had passed a declaration making it compulsory for all the young people to come forward and be a part of the army. For all the youngsters volunteering, their families will be awarded 5 gold coins. The villagers were excited on hearing the news. All the youngsters from the village were able to join the army and were awarded 5 gold coins. Everyone except the son of the old man. The villagers remarked ‘You won’t get the gold coins since your son’s leg is broken & he can’t join the army. The old man replied ‘True. My son can’t fight properly due to his current state and volunteer for the army’. ‘You would have been lucky had your son been in good health’, said the villagers. ‘Que Sera Sera’, replied the old man. 

The youngsters were taken to the city capital as part of the army. No news came from them for two months. The villagers wondered what had happened. Then one day, a messenger from the King arrived there.  He announced that ‘the neighbor king had attacked their kingdom.  The war raged for 2 month and finally with great difficulty, they were able to subdue & defeat the enemy forces.’ The villagers cheered.  ‘But there is sad news. In the war, many of the young soldiers had died while fighting for their country. & others have been badly injured. ‘Saying so, he read the list of soldiers who had died in the battle & those who had been injured. All the bereaved families would be given some compensation from the King’s treasury. The villagers were shell-shocked. For the next two days, the whole village mourned the dead soldiers. The old man & his son visited the bereaved families and expressed their condolences. They said to the old man ‘Please apologize us for mocking at you before. We have lost our only child’. The old man consoled them and said “Que Sera Sera” and walked on…..

P.S: Life has its up and downs. We don’t have control over what might happen in our life but we do have control over our reactions to it. Understanding that all events (both happy and sad) are transient would be a source of everlasting joy in our lives.

Perspective

Recently I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine. She was narrating a situation in which she and her colleague had some disagreement about something. My friend had suggested going to a temple. Her friend wasn’t interested in going to temple and had rejected the idea. Moreover, being an atheist, she made few strong statements on the non-existence of God. My friend who is quite a pious person strongly felt about this. Though she didn’t voice her disagreement openly ,thinking it might affect their working relation, she found me as an outlet for venting her anger on her colleague. “How could she say that God doesn’t exist and that one shouldn’t go to temples”. While, I understood her feeling about being reverent, she was unable to take the feeling that her colleague had mocked at her beliefs. I felt bad for her more for the fact that she was allowing her time to be wasted by thinking about something which had already happened.  More-ever, her friend can't be blamed too, since she believes in the non-existence of God and hence she would justify her own thoughts. My friend wasn’t really convinced with this.

We tend to come across this kind of situation many times. Sometimes, our colleagues, friends behave in a way which is completely unacceptable to us. Irrespective of their behavior being right or wrong, the message which I want to share with others is the concept of considering the perspective of others. At least for the sake for not upsetting yourselves and end up wasting your time by thinking about others. Though, we may think that our view is justified, there is a chance that the other person may be right in someway. In order to substantiate my point, let me take you through a small exercise. Look at the picture shown below very closely and try to see anything you can. Make a note of, what you see in that.

Now, what if I say that there are 2 images in the picture. 1^st image which you obviously would have noticed (for those who have identified the 2 images, you made my job easier) and the 2^nd, image waiting to be found. The image most of you would have identified is the image of a nice, fashionable lady with a petite nose and wearing a hat and a necklace. The image which would have eluded most of you would be the image of an old woman with a big hook nose and her shawl. [Trying looking at the image more closely for sometime, if you aren’t able to see the 2^nd image. The young woman’s chin is the nose of the old woman and young woman’s ear is the old woman’s eye]

This research was done in Harvard Business school. Half of the students were shown the image of the young girl and remaining the old woman image. Then they were called to the classroom and shown the picture. Almost all the students who were shown the image of the young woman saw the young woman in the picture.  And the students who had seen the old lady image saw the image of the old lady. When the class was asked to explain what they had seen, the class started arguing about the image identity, half the class saying that there was a young girl in the picture and the other half claiming it was a old woman.  Finally, only when a student went up to the board and pointed to the drawing saying that it is the woman’s necklace, did another student pointed that it was the old woman’s mouth. Then only the student started calmly discussing the specific points of difference and both groups came to see each others opinion.  This was shown to demonstrate clearly and eloquently that two people can see the same thing and yet disagree, and yet both may be right.  

The general message which I want to share here is the fact that next time you disagree with your Mom or your best friend or your boy/girl friend  or your colleague, Just before raising your own tone and trying to prove your point, take some-time in considering their perspective. You never know that both of you might be true but may be looking at different aspects of the same problem. You may end up winning the battle but may lose the war… Hence, it always helps to ensure that you appreciate other people's viewpoint and look at their point of view and then share your view point to ensure that you not only solve the contention peacefully but also end up becoming a little bit more wiser…