Because Husbands were once Bachelors too

Before any of you let your imagination go flying let me state upfront that this post has (mostly)nothing to do with the Husband and concerns itself with the Wife's role to a large extent. I had intended to have the title of this post as "Kyooki Husbands bhi Kabhi Bachelors thee".But then for universal understanding,i decided to stick by English title ! This post intends to analyze the situation of boys after his marriage when he dons the role of Husband !

Two of my good friends have got engaged this month. Few days back , they were relating the Engagement experiences and sharing the photos of their fiances.On talking about their fiances,their answers were like this "Avan, Software company le work pannuran" (He works in a Software company), "Avan rombe sadhu type" (He is of a calm demeanor) etc. For people unaccustomed to Indian traditions, they must understand 2 words before we proceed further. "Avan" and "Avange".



Both denotes "He" in English but the degree of respect varies in both. 'Avange' is used to imply that we consider the person with respect (explicitly conveyed in the words).It doesn't mean that 'Avan' shows lack of respect yet 'Avan' is used on a informal level and the lack of respect can be explicitly seen. I presume that you would be scratching your heads over 'Avan' and 'Avange' so to make Matters simple,'Avange' shows respect and 'Avan' doesn't when using it in sentence.

You might be wondering why Am I probing this matter over two words which differ by two letters 'ge'. If you consider the yesteryear's generation,say our grandparents/parents generation, the respect the women had for their husbands was explicitly shown in the way they addressed their husbands. Those times the women considered their better half to be equivalent to God. Contrast that with today's scenario when some women not even consider their better half to be half better than them ;D. (Not that I regret that this change has occurred). Today many women consider their hubbies to be equivalent to friends. This change implies the growing confidence of the women folks which is good for everyone.

On a funnier note,what inspired this post is the pitiable situation of the men folks.We all know that Man was expected to work and earn income for the family. Excluding a few men who were in higher strata,the others belonged to the middle or lower working class. They either worked under someone for a wage or carried out the instructions under the supervision of someone. So mostly Home was the only place where he could expect 100% respect for him from his wife. I assume this gave him the courage and patience to endure the hardship at work and go on earning for the family. Contrast that with today's situation where Home would be the place where he least expects to get respect !!! Even his peers might respect him but that would vanish as soon as he enters his home. Say few years back the girls used to address her fiances as "Avange" which over a period of time changed to "Avan".But in the current fast paced life, it starts with 'Avan' itself !!! ;) Whereas for women the above scenario works in reverse manner. (Home is the place where they have guaranteed 120% respect,the situation at work place might differ)



Another point which i noted was that in most of the engagement photos,the girl would be flashing the brightest smile (Yes, the MENTOS smile with brightness of 105%) and the guy would be flashing a feeble smile (say, brightness of zero watt bulb). I assume both must be thinking about their future. The Guy who had been a free bird till now imagines himself as a caged bird. And the girl who has been waiting to catch hold of someone who can listen to her endless talks and who can take over the role of her paying her shopping invoices has finally found that person. In a conversation i had with my friends, it seems an interesting trend is been observed in IT industry. People who are bachelors generally work late and now there is a new genre joining them for company. Any guesses who ???

They are the people who have been married for an year or so. It so happens that once a guy gets married he starts for home immediately as soon as the clock strikes 6. This goes on for say 4-6 months after which the tireless talks and the unstoppable shopping takes the toll on him and he prefers the safe haven of the company for an extended extra time of 1-2 hours.

Considering all the facts,it seems that the current generation might mark the new era for the women. Not only are they going to get the 33% reservation in Parliament in India (which seems very viable in the current government period), the trends points that a day may come when Men would have to fight for their rights and ask for reservation in Parliament... [One thing which puzzles me is the fact that how the Women Bill hasn't yet been rectified and passed by the politicians taking into account the fact that many are married !!!]



P.S: The post was meant purely as a funny one and does not intend to undermine the women role in the family in anyway. Women are equal to men in every aspect(barring a few) and completes him. The current scenario where both the man and woman take equal responsibility of running the family and are in a equal footing is good for the family,society and the Nation as well. I also take this chance to wish my two friends a very Happy and a Prosperous future life with their hubbies !

The 90/10 principle

Recently i came across one forward which was too good worth sharing. It is about the 90/10 principle. The 90/10 principle states that 10% of life is made up of what happens to you. 90% of life is decided by how you react. And it is our reaction which determines our subsequent attitudes and states in our life.



Let's use an example.

You are eating breakfast with your family. Your daughter knocks over a cup of coffee onto your business shirt. You have no control over what just happened. What happens next will be determined by how you react.

You curse.
You harshly scold your daughter for knocking the cup over. She breaks down in tears. After scolding her, you turn to your spouse and criticize her for placing the cup too close to the edge of the table. A short verbal battle follows. You storm upstairs and change your shirt. Back downstairs, you find your daughter has been too busy crying to finish breakfast and get ready for school. She misses the bus.
Your spouse must leave immediately for work. You rush to the car and drive your daughter to school. Because you are late, you drive 40 miles an hour in a 30 mph speed limit.

After a 15-minute delay and throwing $60 traffic fine away, you arrive at school. Your daughter runs into the building without saying goodbye. After arriving at the office 20 minutes late, you find you forgot your briefcase. Your day has started terrible. As it continues, it seems to get worse and worse. You look forward to coming home.

When you arrive home, you find small wedge in your relationship with your spouse and daughter.

Why? …. Because of how you reacted in the morning.

Why did you have a bad day?

A) Did the coffee cause it?
B) Did your daughter cause it?
C) Did the policeman cause it?
D) Did you cause it?

The answer is “D".

You had no control over what happened with the coffee. How you reacted in those 5 seconds is what caused your bad day.
Here is what could have and should have happened.

Coffee splashes over you. Your daughter is about to cry. You gently say, "Its ok honey, you just need to be more careful next time". Grabbing a towel you rush upstairs. After grabbing a new shirt and your briefcase, you come back down in time to look through the window and see your child getting on the bus. She turns and waves. You arrive 5 minutes early and cheerfully greet the staff. Your boss comments on how good the day you are having.

Notice the difference? Two different scenarios. Both started the same. Both ended different.

Why?

Because of how you REACTED.

You really do not have any control over 10% of what happens. The other 90% will be determined by your reaction.

Most of us tend to react to situations like spontaneously reacting to any external stimuli without thinking the consequence of our action. In such cases,what might save the day for us is to respond to situations. Actually both the words "Respond" and "React" sound the same but in reality they are in complete contrast. When we react to situations we are acting without really thinking. We are not being authentic. While when we respond,we are actually sizing things up and acting in such a way so that we are authentic in our actions and as well consciously aware of it. Coming back to our post, no one knows how and when things will happen. But when it happens,we can definitely choose how to respond to it which will later take its own course as desired by us.

P.S: I have stated some in my own words and the example has been taken from the forward. The 90/10 principle has been advocated by Motivational speaker and Time management guru,Stephen Covey.

Black is Good.White is Bad.

A food for thought.

Iam currently reading the auto-biography by Lance Armstrong - 'Its not about the Bike' and it is indeed striking to see how he grew up the ladder in his life. There are lots of learning in the book which Lance shares about his own life and his battle with the cancer. For anyone who is interested in knowing it, grab yourself one of the copy and go through it or else wait for me to finish the book and then write a review ;) (Iam not sure if i will have the patience to write this one ;P )



In one instance he says the above words "Black is Good.White is Bad." which is very thought-provoking. Its a universal law to equate White with Goodness and the Black with Bad,White with the Light,Black with the Dark,White with Harmony,Black with Discord etc. But when i came across his wordings, it showed White-Black in a completely new picture. Lance has contracted a cancer and while taking the X-Ray test, he sees his own Chest X-Ray. It is in this instance wherein he explains that in the X-Ray which is a photo negative:abnormalities come out in White. So as long as the X-Ray is black its good, meaning all the organs are perfect and no anomalies exist. But if anything is wrong with them,it is highlighted by the White color. So, somethings in life is not exactly as they seem to be.

Sometimes we just assume that things should be like this or things are like this because that's what has been told to us or that's what we know.But its also wise to understand that if we have the broad mindedness to accept things (which are beyond our understanding) it will not only hold us in good stead but also give us the flexibility to learn new thing and grow our-self.

Adventures of Rim,Jim and Sim - Sim brings Home a Dog - Part II

Part I: Read here


Samuel Johnson rightly said that "Promise, large promise, is the soul of an advertisement" And the innocuous viewer who believes in the advertisement takes it for granted that he will achieve what he wants by simply imitating whats been shown in the television.Marketing is all about making your customers believe in your product and marketing companies resort to various strategies to make that possible. The average Indian takes it for granted that whatever is shown is reality. But alas,it couldn't be far from truth.

Something similar happened with Sim. Sim was particularly impressed with the Sprite ad which shows a Girl bringing a dog and 2 guys who try to charm her. The ad shows one guy trying to impress the girl by caressing the dog which the girl brings along with her. Then the 2nd guy has a Sprite in his hand and he easily charms the girl because Sprite made the difference.



As Sim had noticed that the girl came for the evening walk with her dog, he decided to use the "Seedhi baat" concept with the girl. He got himself a Sprite and waited at the entrance of the park. When she entered the park he entered the 'besot' zone. I still dont know how he manages to get besotten by the view of 'n' number of girls 'n' number of times. And the heartening fact is that he says its special every time. Never mind mysteries are meant to exist. Anyhow after entering the 'besotten' influence Sim dazedly walked towards her and said "Coming for a walk". She replied "No. My doggie isnt interested now". Sim to this day couldnt decipher as to how the girl took his question "if being addressed to the dog" ,where as in the ad the one drinking Sprite asks a question and the girl answers it favourably. But what got him thinking is the fact that another guy came along with a dog and it changed the whole perception of Sim. The girl's dog started barking at the guy's dog and the other dog retaliated by barking in turn. As each of the owners started controlling their dog's they smiled at each other and began conversing with each other. It ended in them walking together and Sim was left drinking the Sprite. Not only this changed Sim's dislike of 5 sensed dogs ,it also changed his perception of pet dogs. He understood the real meaning of 'leveraging'. Thus he took the inconceivable idea of adopting a dog as a pet.

Soon afterwards, he brought home a pomeranian pup. We had imposed few conditions on Sim for allowing him to bring home the dog. It was agreed that he will alone be responsible for taking care of the dog and its requirement. As any dog owner will know to discipline a dog is no small feat. The owner of the dog has to put in huge effort initially to train the dog and this burden was comfortably passed to Sim.Sim was eager to take the dog to park and check if his investment bears him fruit. But then Gym chipped in with his views that it would be better if Sim trained the dog and then display the dog proudly to the girl. The girl would surely be impressed with the dogs feats and might induce her to talk with Sim. I had a doubt as to whether our objective was making Sim impress the girl or the dog impress the girl but i didnt want to sound pessimistic so I didnt voice my views.

For reasons unknown Sim named the pup 'Rocky'. He felt it gave the pup the macho image of Sylvester Stallone... People say that sometimes their behaviour is co-related with their name. In some way, the Pup too lived up to its name. and Sim came to realize it a bit late. The puppy was very courageous and openly daring. For instance,once Sim was alone at home with pup. I and Jim had gone to our respective home towns. Sim had come home late after a tough day at work... As it was too late to prepare food, he had brought home dinner from a hotel. He kept the food in the hall along with the plate and then took 1 morsel of food before changing himself into more relaxing dress. He came back and found the Pup busy eating the packed dinner. I wonder how Sim's face would have looked at that moment. What was more interesting is Sim's description of the Pup. He said that even though he glared at the Pup, the Pup looked non-chalantly and looked at Sim as if challenging him to a fight if necessary. Fortunately,Sim's childhood experience with the dog helped him avoid getting any extra scar.

Meanwhile,Sim's agenda of bringing home the Pup was bearing fruit. He had taken the Pup for a walk and had seen the girl with her dog. As expected the two dog barked (or) signaled to each other,thus bringing the attention of the girl to Sim and hence started Sim's conversation with her. Sim's joy knew no bounds and he patted his dog lovingly. He introduced himself as working at her office and thus began the friendship of the girl with Sim. For one week, they were in constant conversation. SMS,chat,Mail,Phone, you name the gadget, they were in touch using that.

Whoever has said that "Life is unfair" had a point.And Sim got to know it the hard way. The girl had come once to our home to see Sim. It was in the evening time around 5pm. She rang the door bell and our Pup gave its own barking signal that someone was at the door.Sim went to open the door and was took by surprise on seeing the girl. The girl smiled and came in.She stroked the pup's hair. Sim looked jealously at the dog wishing if he could be in its place.She then handed him a invitation saying that he should definitely come for her engagement next month. You should have seen Sim at the moment. Though the news was disturbing to Sim, I and Jim had a difficult time controlling our laughter on seeing his face.

We excused ourself and went outside lest we should laugh before the girl and make a fool of ourselves. Sim later thanked us for sharing his sadness. he had assumed that we too were highly dejected on hearing the news and hence had gone outside so to let go of our frustration. I wonder how Sim managed to talk to the girl. Anyhow,from what we heard he proceeded to make Tea for her (The girl was risking her life by drinking it) and then after a small chit-chat, she went back home. Its not as if he was dating the girl so the shock was not that damaging. Yet we felt that Sim's shock was quite profound. The reason for it (which we came to know later) was that when the girl had told him the news, his immediate concern was regarding the future of the Pup. The very reason he had bought the Pup had gone awry hence he was in a quandary as to what to be done with it.

He shared this concern with us 2 days later. We told him since the Pup is small, it is his responsibility to take care of it till it grows up.
The most difficult job was to take the Pup for a walk in the morning. Jim had found out that the dog during its initial days should be trained properly and that daily morning walk is a must for it. It served dual purpose -
1) It helps the dog to relieve itself in the morning.
2) It sharpens the dog inherent guarding senses.

Sim had to get up early in the morning so as to take the Pup for walk. Sometimes the dog woke up earlier and will began to bark so to signal the morning time. He got so relied on the dog that he wont look at the watch but just assume that its the time for the walk.

Once Jim returned home around 2:30am in the morning after a late night work. While coming in, he mistakenly kept his leg on the Dog's tail and it gave a short bark. Jim usually sleeps immediately after coming home,so he just lay on his bed and within 5 mins was sleeping off peacefully. Meanwhile hearing the dog's bark, Sim got up and readied himself to take the dog out. The dog which was being taken out earlier than usual was unhappy and it emitted short barks to show its disapproval. Usually when we take the dog out, we usually see few people jogging or running. But since it was a bit earlier,Sim found no one in the streets. He rather commented to himself that its strange that people have become quite lazy now. Sim had to withdraw money from ATM. He went into one and took some money. While he was coming out, A night security person saw him and he got curious as to what a person was doing in the ATM at that time. He asked Sim what he was doing to which Sim said that he was taking the dog for a walk. He asked the security guard if he had come for walking himself as he was seeing him for the first time.

Saying so,he went on in his way. But the guard suspicion levels were on high, he started stalking behind Sim to find where he is going.Sim thought that maybe some Psychopath was stalking him and he started running back to home. The guard came behind Sim till our flats, till our flat security person confirmed that Sim was living in the flats and was no danger to anyone. Thus Sim came home after a 1 hr walk and retired to his bed immediately. The dog started barking around 4:30 indicating the time for walk. Sim couldnt believe his ears. He shoo-shooed the dog away yet couldnt withstand the dog's Rocky like persistence. Grudgingly he took the dog outside for one more round, leaving our flat security guard little confused. The dog definitely enjoyed its morning walk, yet Sim grudge against the dog remained and he resolved to give the dog away to Blue Cross.



Well, i feel happy atleast for the dog so that it didnt have to test its perseverance against that of Sim. We do go to see the Pup sometimes in the weekend and the last we heard it was adopted by a married couple. So that was a happy ending for the Pup.As for Sim, he was able to sleep peacefully with no disturbances. He used to remark sometimes that his intuition had told him that beings with less than 6 sense shouldnt be trusted on a long relationship and asked us for our comments.

All we could say was - No comments !!! ;)