Thursday, September 4, 2008

The Great Expectations !!

I was having a conversation with one of my friends when the topic drifted to the upcoming CAT exam and the usual anxiety which accompanies it.,. The intermittent SIMCAT's( mock CAT exams) scores arent particularly what one can say as encouraging.,. rather they tend to do the opposite.,. pulp your confidence to the barest minimum.,. ;) These exams are like checkpoints for estimating our level of preparedness., A person can get to know which areas he are strong in and in the areas he has to improvise himself. But often what happens is that after each SIMCAT, you become to doubt yourself. You feel as if your preparation isnt enough and that you are getting
worser every exam.


When i shared with a friend who is exceptional in analyzing things, what he had to say was that its because of your level of expectation. We expect things to happen fast. We expect immediate results which if not seen make us a lot unhappy.,. We can apply the same analogy to every other part of our life. May it be career, relationship, every sphere of our life is filled with expectations.,. We expect our peers to be lovable, we expect our society to be good and helpful, we expect complete love from our partner, we expect all happy things from God.

One might ask what is wrong in having expectations, the only catch here is the fact that things turn out to be ideal in very few cases.,. For example in career, though one might expect the company to be good always,give regular promotion etc, it might not be the case always.,. You might miss out your promotion, you might be asked to move into some project which least
interest you. In case of relationships, your partner might have his/her own ambitions and desires, hence expecting him/her to comply with your desires might not be the ideal way.It is in these cases that having expectations hurts and fires back.

Unhappiness is best defined as the difference between our talents and our expectations.
Edward de Bono

Yes, one less known thing about Expectation is the fact that we are responsible for it. We have been sub-consciously programmed from our childhood, where we are expected to do certain things at certain stages of our life. This starts from the early childhood, from when we are a child, parents expect the child to utter "Mama","Papa" to every other kins name.,. Then you grow up you are expected to excel at your studies.,. Then you are expected to find yourself a good job and then finally get settled.,. This goes on till the end of our life where eventually, every facet of our life is dictated by EXPECTATIONS.

Expectations are the best known stressers of the human society(this is my assumption !!) You have a fear lurking inside you that oh, what if this doesnt happen.,. What if that ends up like this. What if iam not able to live up to my expectations.,. There are many draw-backs due to this, the 2 prominent ones being, 1) You allow others to dictate your life, 2) You get destroyed/disappointed if things dont turn your way.

Yet there is a beautiful face of expectation, ie. Expectation can be a great motivator.,. It can inspire you to come out of your comfort zone, and live to your potential.,. When Tiger Woods,Roger Federer, Sachin Tendulkar and other icons took the field, they are aware of the huge expectations of the people,.. Yet they were able to deliver.,. Ever wondered why ??. The reason why they continued to excel is because they didnt allow their expectation to go overhead.


Let me explain.,. Though the world has a huge expectation from them, they dont expect that from themselves.,. They just believe in their ability and their talent. They focus on what they have to do rather than what they should do. Since their focus is on doing things which they are good at, they by default, excel in what they do. Contrast their attitude with the attitude of the populoi, many people tend to focus on what they should do so that someone praises them. They strive to keep other happy and in process lose their own happiness.,.

All said and done, eventually its what we think and what we focus on that eventually determines what and how we will be., To wrap up,


To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves--there lies the great, singular power of self-respect.

Joan Didion

P.S: Would love to hear your thoughts on Expectations and your remedy for it.
Keep Inspiring !! :)

44 comments:

RiverSoul said...

Very true.
Expectations are necessary for realisation of our goals.
:)

ANWESA said...

I wyd most likely die if i didn't xpect anything -all of us need dreams to survive.n lyf widout failures wud b so boring,success won't taste as sweet,rite?

Prashant Sree said...

@riversoul: True, and one should know the extent to which he allows the expectations to supercede on himself !! :)

Prashant Sree said...

@anwesa: Hey great to see you here.,. And your thinking is very true.,. We need failures to appreciate success.,.I meant to differentiate between Dreams and Expectations.,.

One shoots you to the stars and the other puts you to the ground ;)

Cess said...

well expectations can be a pain in a ass sometimes, in my work we are evaluated like that missing expectations, meet expectations, exceed expectations from our manager, we have no clue how they do it, how they judge us, which is very frustrated sometimes, so by default we have a tendency at work to put everything in a matter of expectations, and work on what we should do or more what the manager want to meet these expectations get the project/promotions we want, which is even more frustrated when u ve been working like they want but u still haven t the project/promotions, work life can sucks sometimes ;)

srikanth said...

Be pessimistic... No disappointments :D

SwAThi.... said...

I so agree, we are dragged down by our expectations and live in constant tension and worry...

Blame it on the fast pace everyones life is goin....

Anyway a great and insightful post...

:)

Prashant Sree said...

@cess: Yup,. agreed that sometimes our situation begans to dictate our life.,. Thats when we say life is f*$%^% unfair !!

Yet, we have the ultimate choice of whether we want to have control or lose control.,. Well frankly if you end up with expecting managers, who expect a lot rather than encourage, Iam clueless to that.,. ;)

Yes, dont allow the society to get the better of you.

Prashant Sree said...

@srikanth: Lol man.,. Thats an awesome plan.,. U have a catch though.,.

If you are pessimistic to the core, you will be more disappointed, if something good occurs.,. And happy if something pessimistic occurs !!

Prashant Sree said...

@swathi: Hey welcome to my blog... Thanks for the admirations.,. :)

Do you think blaming on the society is going to solve problems , or taking charge of our life is going to ?? ;)

Gagan said...

Very truly siad....Expectations are indeed important in life and help us linger on....

But again, we shud be careful while we set our expectations....because if they break....they hurt the maximum....!!!!

Very nice post! :)

Reflections said...

Wow, u've covered all the points. I must say...Excellent post & oh so true especially....
"The reason why they continued to excel is because they didnt allow their expectation to go overhead."
I always say "never have any expectations from anybody, just do ur best...if others acknowledge its a bonus. If they dont...well u were not expecting anything anyways, were u?". This is tough to follow but def makes life easier:-).

Gauri Mathur said...

Good job dude!!!
Impressive!!:-)

Rajesh said...

Dude....amazing!!! I'm just like u...taking SIMCATs but just starting o improve...and u kno wat???my latest post s on similar lines but definitely not as deep as urs in terms of analysis...loved reading..
Besto luck 4 ur SIMCATs...do wel...

Nimmy said...

Expectations....! You've come up with a good analysis of the various dimensions of expectations!

My 2 cents - The best way to be happy is to not expect anything from anyone except yourself. In other words,expect the best out of yourself while at the same time giving yourself enough time to improve and get better with every attempt!! :-)

Nimmy said...

Also.....the kind of expectations you have from the world and how you react to what happens is nothing but an indicator of how "idealistic" or "realistic" you are! Idealistic people suffer. But they are the ones who are capable of dreaming big and getting somewhere. Realistic people have very few day-to-day problems and are better prepared for life because they're ready for anything! Does not mean they don't achieve great things....they do...but maybe they are ready for compromises. Let me stop here....I think I might end up confusing everyone. ;-)

Smriti Srivastava said...

Hmmm..Interesting. As someone who EXPECTS a lot, I'm a lil confused as to what to chip in here. Yes, expectations are stressful as well as motivating. But as they say, every coin has two sides (oh well...they ACTUALLY DO!! :P).

What needs to be implemented is the action, keep one's expectations under tabs...be your own "policeman" and curb your expectations when you think its taking you down the stressful road to violation. Its easier said than done, but it isnt impossible.

Was a good read..EXPECTING a lot from your next post!! :P

hect@r said...

same is here. i think simcats are having adverse effect on me. previously i was having self belief but i m loosing confidence now.i m loosing hope.

Prashant Sree said...

@gagan: What you say is true... Our only protection is not to give the expectation the right to hurt us.,.
The trick is to have a balance between the 2 :)

Prashant Sree said...

@reflections: Wow !! You summarized the points quite finely.,.

Your reflections on the expectations have been quite reflective ;)

Prashant Sree said...

@gauri mathur: Oh, Thanks dear.,.
So when am i going to get the pay for the good job ?? ;)

Prashant Sree said...

@rajesh: Great to hear we are in the same boat.,. Its not how deeper we analyze but the fact we analyze which helps us move on, confidently and live peacefully :)

Thanks for the acknowledgement.,. Wish you the best in your preparations too !! :)

Prashant Sree said...

@Nimmy: Thanks Nimmy for your visit :) You have put it very aptly when you say that all is well as we expect from ourself but not from others.,.

That truly captures the essence !! And with regards to being idealistic and realistic, i dunno why but iam inclined to think about Ayn rand's philosophies here,.

Bearing the pain which is something the idealistic people tend to experience more often, yet the pain leaves a gain somewhere.,. :) Wonderful thought !!

Prashant Sree said...

@smriti: Its good that you expect, but as said before, if you expect from yourself and then act, its gonna be fine in the long run.,

As you will be taking responsibility for your own life.,. When we start expecting from others, we tend to give others the responsibility over our life.,. and hence the question mark ??

Its great that you found it to be a good read !! Yet ur ending line is awesome !! - "EXPECTING a lot from your next post!!"

Prashant Sree said...

@hector: Hi friend, i understand the emotions you might be experiencing. Its a part of your learning/growing process.,.
Everything heals as time goes on.,. Just believe in urself and move on. I hope this video helps you buck up a bit :)

http://argetslam.blogspot.com/2008/02/belief-in-you.html

Priya Joyce said...

very well said
true very true
unhappiness and expectations are proportionately related.
But can we live without expectations? Never! everyone has them its a part of everyone's life.
Now that's something sad i wud say.

Priya Joyce said...

Btw I am sad tat u hav brolled me for my funny blog and not the real stuff.
u????

*~*{Sameera}*~* said...

Well written!

There is no harm in expecting,but we should not rely on them to take form,at least not all the time.

Prashant Sree said...

@priya joyce: Yes, expectations should be a part of our life.,. Thats what helps us grow., But as long as we expect from ourself, its fine.,.

When we expect from others, we should be insured to handle the disappointment if they occur. :)

Hey Apologies for the brolling of your funny blog.,.I thought let people see the funny childhood photo of your's. Dont worry now, you serious site has been brolled ;)

Prashant Sree said...

@Sameera: Very True, Sameera :)

Thanks for sharing your view !!

Renu said...

very good analysis, compels to think. Now when i think, its true that expectations ,if they are way above the capabilities, really boggs down the person.But sometimes they make one excel also and removinjg the complacency. Not all the people have that push in their personality where they will do it anyway.sometimes a little expectations go a long way.
I had this neighbor whose son could hardly get passing marks in maths and she used to say confidently that her son will get thru in IIT........:)
sometimes it also happens that no expectations give the signal to the person of not having any worth.

Prashant Sree said...

@renu: Well said.,. I agree that expectations can have a wholesome effect on a person.,. Same had been in my case when my parents used to encourage me by telling me that i can do much better.,. That expectation definitely helps :)

Yet the expectation which begans to wear out the child's confidence and makes him subdue is something we need to take a decision. The case where in the Student suicide because of failure in exams speaks a lot about the burden which is currently present.

Hopefully things will change :)

Thanks for sharing an example too... Would love to have your comments flowing !! :)

Prashant
*+

Anjuli said...

what a great post!!

I especially liked this excerpt:

Though the world has a huge expectation from them, they dont expect that from themselves.,. They just believe in their ability and their talent. They focus on what they have to do rather than what they should do.

What a powerful statement- and so true. You balance expectations with a healthy amount of reality- which then makes an explosive combination.

Priya Joyce said...

hey thanx for solving ma grievances so fast

btw u r tagged and awarded on the funny blog cum take it and do it.

k.ø.c.h.ü said...

yippie...hopped in finally...yupp dis is ma first vist na..? so here's de first official HI...skimmed thru de posts...luvly n it seems more corners of brain need 2 b allocated...as i;ve just reached home 4 holzz cant afford now...he he..will b bak 2 comment soon...!!! by de way ive linked ye...!!! n thnx 4 de comment...

Prashant Sree said...

@Anjuli: Hey Thanks for dropping by... :). I assume Blorean people will get suspicious of anything remotely connected with explosiveness ;).

Iam glad the post was able to convey a message :).

Prashant Sree said...

@Priya: Yup.,. In my court,grievances are dealt with immediate urgency. Its always fast track, except on National Holidays.,. ;)

Hey Thanks for the Award and the Tag. Appreciate it :)

Prashant Sree said...

@k.o.c.h.u: Hey Nitin, Great having you here.,. Here's my official Welcome !! I would suggest allocate the inner parts of the brain, as the corners are usually used up much ;)

Oh, Hols time for you, Enjoy urself.,. Looking forward to more posts and visits :) !!

Swats said...

Expectation is the root cause of all evil! (Lord Krishna says in the Bhagwad Gita)

I'd like to add to tht- all evil and heartache as well ;-)lolz

If u dont 'expect' urself to deliver at work,u become complacent..u r likely to under-perform..and in a relationship if u constantly nag ur partner 2 do wht u 'expect', ur in for disappointment n unhappiness

very well written Prashant ;-)

Reflections said...

And the nominations are....

Shalom said...

Very beautifully written!!! I would like to offer another saying: You do your best and let God take care of the rest. That's what I believe in - the only expectation you should have of yourself is to do the best you can in any situation, and therefore keep improving yourself, because that is ultimately the point of life - to be a better human being with each passing day.

Prashant Sree said...

@swats:Hey thanks for sharing those wonderful thoughts.,. Expectations can be a big motivator too.,.

I think one gets to understand it as we grow older.,. ;)

Prashant Sree said...

@reflections:Hey, thanks for awarding me the Award. I appreciate it :) ,..

So when is the Award ceremony ?? ;)

Prashant Sree said...

@shalom: Hey are you a student of Socrates ?? ;D .,. We should learn what to expect in our life and what to expect of the expectations.,.

And yes, Life is all about learning and growing... Thanks for visiting.,. :)